Some people wonder why I’m still very single. And, first I remind them, I was married once and with that person for many years. I’m very grateful for the influence he had on my life, as well. But, I’m also grateful that I knew when to choose myself. And, I haven’t looked back since.
Valentine’s Day is a perfect time to discuss love, no?
Life for me is a place of constant adventure, of wonder, of magic. It’s a place where I am forever rediscovering myself, and creating new goals after each goal is met. I’m extraordinarly happy, inquisitive, and excited most of the time. I literally wake up happy. I have an easy laugh, and smile, and I love the small things in life. But, I’m also an over-achiever, fiercely independent, I never settle, and I am very analytical. Oh…and I talk a lot! LOL…
I’ve come to accept that most people do not live in the same universe as me. People like having excuses for not meeting their own expectations. They like finding a reason to settle in life. They like their comfortable, definitive box that they live in. Hey, I like it for you, but, I just don’t want to be there with you. I can wave to you from the outside. And, that–that is why I’ve not met anyone that I can be with.
In my core, I will always be that precocious child that ask, “But, why?” And, I will always look to make myself better. I will always look at the stars and wonder. And, I will always speak of spirituality as if it were commonplace, because in my life–it is. Most people think the esoteric, the occult, the unknown, the scientific, the spiritual are mutually exclusive. See, that’s like compartmentalizing, which is like boxes, which… I’ve seen, but, do not truly comprehend. I’m all for structure that makes sense–but, to me, those things being separated doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense. To me, you and I are connected. Just as I feel connected to…well…everything. And, that is what makes life so joyful to me.
Anyone who spends enough time around me, will find it extremely difficult to be anything but happy. My positive outlook, annoys a lot of people. Some people really would like to keep their struggles, their hardships, their misery, their drama. The phrase, “misery loves company”, can also be applied to happiness. And, I’ve had unhappy people actually get angry with me, for even suggesting that they have the power to choose positive energy, smiles, and love over the other stuff. Yeah, people get pissed when you try an exchange their misery for happiness. They say they’d like their lives to change, but, they’ll hold onto it as if their very lives were threatened.
Oh…and then there’s the other thing about me… I cannot be controlled. Yeah, I’ve found that after a while, no matter who I’m with, they try to undermine my self-confidence. Imagine, someone who wakes up everyday, and says to herself, “Gosh, I just love you!” And, who doesn’t have a void that she looks for another person to fill. Can you imagine a soul who reflects on themselves, and goes…”Yeah, I’m so cool with who we are!” Most people would like to think they would applaud or support such a being, but, I’m here to tell you–uh, uh. In fact, what they do is find a chisel and a hammer, and attempt to chip it away. And, then, will say, “It’s because I love you.” But, the truth is, its because my self confidence, intimidates. People like feeling needed. And, that power corrupts. I don’t need a significant other, and if I did, I’d have sit myself down. Need is a double-edged sword, it is the seed for destruction in any relationship. The person who’s needy starts manipulating the person they need, and the person who feels needed secretly start resenting the person who needs them. And, love, gets destorted, mangled and eventually deteriorates into codependency. Love and co-dependency aren’t the same. –Yikes, that one is gonna blow some minds.
When I encounter someone who can navigate the universe in such a way that they do not find me threatening. Where they DON’T need me. And, where they enjoy the discovering themselves in the unknown, then…perhaps I’ll discover the undiscovered land of healthy, true, and magical couplehood. But, in the meantime, life is such a big place, and there’s so much more me to discover in it.
Love Peace Happiness n One,