I’m really the type of person that tries everything before I walk alway from a situation. As, I am also the kind of person that lives a life of no regrets. And, in my thought proccess, if you don’t try everything, you will soon find yourself in the company of regrets.
Recently, I’ve finally come to the conclusion of a situation in which, I’ve accepted that a person I’ve cared about deeply, isn’t going to be anymore than they are, despite the untapped potential screaming just under the surface. I don’t know how people live life this, but, I am aware that most do. It was the same in my long-dead marriage, and I left for those very same reasons.
Settling, settling, settling. Everybody is falling over themselves to do it, and then there are some of us who’d rather not exist at all if settling is all we have to look forward to. If ever you’ve thought that the world thinks as you do, that you are the norm. That the way it is–is the way it is. Well… I should tell you. That, no, the world isn’t the same for everyone. We’re not all having the same experience. And, they way it is, is often times, not the way it should or can be. Simply put… people are LAZY! People are AFRAID! People are STUCK. People are UNINSPIRED. And, in the way that I choose to live, the way I see the world, those things will NEVER be acceptable. Mind you, I’m speaking of this as my own little speck of I AM, in the great vastness of the universe. What you do with your I AM is your business.
I have to wonder if people realize that when they choose a nice comfy place to sit on the road of life, that they are willingly separating themselves from others. When you decide to stop growing, to stop evolving, you are simultaneously stating that you are willing to watch your potential life pass you by. Sure, some will decide to stop with you, because they are under the guise that they cannot be without you. And, then, there are the oddities like myself, that hear something more calling them to keep going further. I understand that who I am, is still a work in progress and who I will be is going to be so much more! I want that! I will never stop wanting that! That, as far as I’m concerned is the whole purpose of being here at all. To be like my counterparts in nature, to grow until growing becomes a physical transition, or, if you like thinking of it as physical death…so be it.
I’m in this life thing fully engaged. I’m not interested in allowing myself to be swayed by the myriad of distractions available to me, simply because I don’t want to be in charge, or responsible for myself. I do. I AM. So, yes, this separates me from people.
–People I love, I care about, and yes, people I’m willing to keep going without. Truly, there is no animosity in my decision. It is simply how I am constructed. Settling hurts for me to even think about. I see the faces of those who settle everyday in NYC. On the subway, the street, the office. And, the sadness around them is heartbreaking. The lack of light in their eyes makes me question if they are breathing. And, the labor in which they carry themselves, makes me wonder if they find their very lives a burden. No, that’s not for me. That’s not something I can adhere, or surrender to. It looks like death. A living, semi-conscious, death.
In many spiritual systems, there are times in which the believer, participant, or what have you–spend time alone. There’s the vision questing, meditation, warrior’s death, dark night of the soul, etc… Why are these things necessary? Why are they important?Well, if you’ve done it, then you’d know why. But, the simplest answer I can give, is that it allows for us to journey within. It allows us to know ourselves better than anyone who might try an impose their defintions onto us. It allows us to understand the sorverign beings we truly are. It allows us to know and to develop our spiritual core being. For without those times, how can we know who we truly are, and what we’re truly capable of? Especially, living in a world who so violently, disrespectfully, imposes itself onto us. Where no method of persuasion goes untried, and no form of manipulation to low to utilize. No, no… this is not something I am willing to settle for. I chose, and I choose… to keep going. Even if it is alone, which in itself is impossible. You couldn’t have possibly have thought, that there aren’t others like me, could you?? Many before me, and oh so many yet to come! For that, I am utterly and humbly grateful! Namaste! 😉
Love Peace Happiness N One,