–I usually break out right before it happens, right before the world as people think they know it crumbles right beneath them. I usually leave just before they fall. Whether it be jobs, or a situation with a family member, friend or guy. When I see it–the first grains of sand that hold the boulders together give way–I’m outta there. But, not this time. Everything presents us with a lesson, an opprotunity to learn something about ourselves, and for me, the lesson is watching it all fall down for someone and knowing three things: 1. Their fall isn’t my fall. 2. After offering help and exhausting all forms of my attempt to do so–I’m not responsible for another person’s fall. 3. Sometimes it’s important to watch someone else’s fall, so you understand how we are the ones who truly do ourselves in.
In truth, I’m experiencing a lot of emotions at once. Sadness, anger, grief and outrage. The funny thing is, none of those emotions are mine. I’m just better at expressing emotions than most people and I’m empathic, so…I pick up things. I feel those things, when I watch people who seem so together secretly sabatoge their happiness and dreams. I watch beautiful people act in ugly ways, because their hurt is buried deep in their psyche, yet it rules, and destroys every good thing they attempt to do. I watch them go round in round in circles, working so hard to build a life for themselves, working to prove their worth through deed rather than being, or, putting on a show of what it means to be alive rather than actually living. Same attempts, same results. Its sad, and no wonder the lists of psychological, emotional and mental disorders seems to be get longer. Our society discourages telling the truth about what’s bothering us, or that we don’t have it all figured out. We don’t want to hear about what’s really going on underneath the very thin veneer of our persona, and we sure as hell don’t want to feel it. So…there’s a lot of lost souls out there living in the empty, and unfortunately the empty is becomong a very crowded place.
And, so…what do I do? I talk to people, I listen to them, I yammer on this myspace thing–and I am the change I want to see in the world. I don’t think its sooo important to measure yourself according to someone else’s doctrine, or ideals, or expectations, as it is to tell and live the truth of who we are–good, bad, goregous and ugly. It seems to me, that if we’re ever going to be happy we have to embrace all of ourselves so that we can heal whatever hurt that has been left alone in the dark, because it seems to be felt and have impact regardless of whether or not we want to acknowledge it. Look at the state of the world, we’re not in chaos, it’s the hurt coming to the surface asking to be healed on a collective scale. I think if we all did our own part with our ownselves, the speed of the shifting from dismal to inspirational would be break-neck. So, I guess the question is, what do you choose for yourself that would in turn serve us all???
Love Peace Happiness N One,