Remember when you were little, and you thought about what your life might be like when you were an adult. You wanted certain things for yourself, certain experiences??? Well, I was an odd kid (I know, you’re surprised) because I actually mapped out my life at 13. Yes…I realize now that I had type A tendencies at a very young age–anyway, I did. I planned my life until about…25. And, okay, here’s where you’re going to find me even weirder. I accomplished every goal, up until my marriage. Yes–before you ask, my marriage was a goal, and my ex-husband was the perfect match to the discription I had planned. Yes–damn it, I planned my husband, haven’t you people ever heard of creative visualization and the manifestation thereof (and yes, he knew, I told him many times throughout our marriage)??? Which part of weird did you not get? LOL…
I tell you this because the end of my marriage forced me to revamp myself, something I hadn’t planned. And, the experience of marriage itself forced me to learn flexibility and to grow my own version of type B personality traits. I could’ve fought this plea for me to grow, and I did, up until the point where I was so miserable I thought I’d die! Then…then, I decided to try something else. And, that was to change. Life is always providing us opportunities to have adventures, and I didn’t like those, I liked knowing what was going to happen, I like controlling the outcome–well, I thought I did. I was sooo WRONG!
The other day, I was looking at myself in the mirror right before, I was going to leave to meet my business partner for a long day of research at the library, and I had a beautiful moment. I looked at myself, my eyes, my hair, my body…and smiled! A really, big fat smile! And, I said, ” Did you ever, ever, ever think in your wildest dreams that it could be this good? That you could be this happy?!” And, I answered myself and said, “No. It’s better than I could’ve ever imagined!”
I don’t know if anyone has been paying attention, but, I shifted quite a while ago. I started releasing the need to control the outcome of things, and started enjoying the experience of life, or what I like to call “the ride”. And, when I decided to start to enjoy my life, a lot more opprotunites opened up for me. I started out as an actor, who then discovered that she could write, sing, direct, produce and cast her own project. And, hey, if hardpressed, I can do stage makeup, too! I took my first job in finance at 21 just to pay bills, only to discover, I have an excellent head for business. And, my stumble into retail sales, helped me to understand that I have the ability to listen to a customer, and therefore can sell them what that they need, and add on, what they want! I don’t know if you’re paying attention, but, I just mentioned like several different careers in one long-ass paragraph. Believe me, I have one of the most astonishing resumes, you’ll probably every see. People can’t believe that I’ve made a life out of three different industries, that seem to have nothing to do with eachother. But… that’s who I am. And, to me there’s one through-line, one theme that makes it all make sense: “service.” At the end of the day, I’m in the service industry. I’m here to help. And, chances are, so are you–you just haven’t realized it yet. You’re either selling a service or a product that will be of service. You help people too, is that how you think of it?
Anyway, I’ve modified the way I plan things now. There’s certain things, I know I’ll accomplish: the store, the production of some movies, plays and a CD (or a few) of some sort. And, everytime I get a little nudge from life, the universe or whatever to walk through a door of opprotunity–I’m going in. EVERYTIME! I don’t need to control how I get there, I just want to get there, and I love the magic and mystery that lies between here and there. It makes for really good memories, and excellent stories to tell. It could be argued that life is the part that is between here and there, and who wants to waste that by trying to map it all out? BOOOORRRRIIIINNNNGGG! Cliffhangers aren’t just written into movies, plays and books–it’s an intricate part of the story of us. Enjoy the ride everyone, you won’t get this opprotunity to come this way again.
Love Peace Happiness N One,