First let me start with the moment of silence in my heart today, and for a while for a dear man: Hilly Kristal. Hilly, if you didn’t know what the founder of a little club CBGB’s, he died yesterday. When I found out at work, I gasped, and my eyes started to water. “This sucks!” It doesn’t just suck because Hilly died, as he had been battling lung cancer for some time–it sucks because he worked sooo hard to provide a place for no name musicians to make a place for themselves. And, well…as you know, a lot of no-names, became household names at CBGB’s OMFUG. Here’s the thing–I met Hilly, I interviewed him for a paper for grad school three years ago, at CB’s…it was an awesome experience. He talked to me for upwards of 3 1/2 hours. He told me about being a musical prodigy who was born on a farm, how he got into Jazz, and did organized concerts for Chrysler back in the day. He told me great stories about Nina Simone (RIP) and he’s time managing the Vanguard, and breaking bread with Miles…sigh. CB’s was actually his third place. His first, were hangouts for people like Jack Keourack,  Bob Dylan and all those derelic kids from the beat/folk movement. Hilly didn’t even like punk music… God that man was charming…a terribly talented flirt. I listened to him talk, and completely ran out of tape to record with, so, I had to take notes. His death for me, really does seal the end of CB’s, yes, I know, it closed last year, but, I know he was hoping to re-open in Las Vegas, wonder if it’ll happen. R.I.P. Hilly, I hope you and Nina are sharing a hug and a kiss at your reunion.
When I woke this morning, I felt like I needed to wear black, and apart from the shoes and belt, both red, I wore all black today. I mourn all those who threw in the towel, jumped off the mountain, and threw themseleves off the ledge they didn’t know. 
There was a lunar eclipse yesterday, and those signify endings. Endings to what? I don’t know. It’s not always a bad thing, in fact it can be a good, that depends soley on you.
Anyway, I’ve just noticed that a lot of people seem to be throwing in the towel on the things that they struggle with, whether it be the search for themselves, their fight with their internal demons, drugs/alcohol, or just the meaning of life in general. I guess people got tired of struggling to be “good”, or “whole”, or living up to their own dreams or grandest potential. And, the easiest thing, it seems would be to just throw yourself into the darkness, the most awful corners of yourself and say something like, “I can’t fight you anymore! Go ahead, you win, take me!” Sure, that’s easy, but, here’s the thing– giving up, is the quickest way to some sort of death, real or metaphorically, and it’s like jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, you only realize after you’ve jumped that you didn’t want to die after all! Ever hear of Kevin Hines??? Read this: 
The idea that we are all good or all bad, in my opinon is stupid. The idea that we cannot all be ourselves wholly, in both our dark and light is sad–really is. The moon has a shadow, the earth has a shadow, a tree has a shadow. Yet, we are too egotisical, too pious, too fearful to admit that like nature, we have a shadow? Yen has yang people, light has dark and one needs the other to exist. Darkness is the birthing place for life. The dark universe, gives birth to stars, and planets, and thus, in our case, here on earth, life! They co-exist…and yet, we cannot co-exist with both sides of ourselves? Don’t get it. Anyway, I knew this dude, he has a word that translates into “nothing” tattooed on his arm. And, while he is a newly minted atheist, it has seemingly never struck him that–in the potential of “nothing” is “everything”! And, in some circles, the “no-thing” is another name for God!
I’m truly saddened by this whole fiasco with this 23yr old talented, English girl named Amy. Yeah, Amy Winehouse. Her most famous song: Rehab has been a huge hit. Everybody has been so gleefully singing “NO, NO, NO!” to rehab. Yet, wait…Amy is “exhausted” and has decided (thank goodness), to take care of her well-being and has canceled shows and performances for a while. So, I guess, Amy realized that maybe if she wanted to LIVE, she might try saying “Yes, Yes, Yes!” to rehab! Dying can be ugly people, especially when you’re doing it to yourself.
I have to be honest: I have a dark side. And, I’m in love with her! She rocks! She loves Metallica, Korn, System of a down, the F-word both literally and figuratively, correction, she likes all the “bad” words. She likes to dance naked in rainstorms, wear lots of black, and has a wicked laugh. She’s as sexy as hell and she knows it, she likes motorcycles, leather, martial arts, and clothes that require lacing!  She’s into Tarantino, Solonz, Aranofsky and if you mess with me or any of my peeps, she will enjoy kicking your ass a little too much!
Yum! I love being me! Now, having my darkside and giving her–her air, does that make me bad? What does that mean? I dunno… I gave up “bad” and “good” at least a year ago. I honor dark and light (read: yen and yang), and I honor it within myself first! I do not go outta my way to use or hurt people, the planet or the universe at all. I do believe in karma, I do believe in manifestation, I do believe I’m the co-creator of my life, and that I’m part of the oneness of all things. I do not believe in organized religion, or the generally accepted definitions of our source, creator, universe, or God. But, hey, if it works for you..blessings! We have free will, and can excercise it however we like, and yeah, throwing in the towel is using your freewill, whether you want to admit it or not. Choosing what’s easiest for you over what’s best–that’s using your free will.
Last night…it was confirmed that I am an alien by my boy, Jared! LOL!!!! To all my alien peeps in the struggle with  the humans both without and within, I only ask that you let love be your center… even if it isn’t theirs. Muah!
Love Peace Happiness N One,

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