I know, my mother will never understand me. As, it would take understanding herself to do so. But, yesterday, when she deemed me “Too Independent” in our conversation– I hadn’t felt so complimented, since she told me I was the “extra piece in a jigsaw puzzle, that doesn’t fit anywhere.” LMAO!
It’s funny, how people when they view me, forget all their behavioral attitudes, actions and words that make our current relationship what it is. My mother thinks I’m too independent, because she simply never understood me, tried to understand me, or listened with any real interest. I suppose those kinds of things fall through the cracks when you’re a single mother of four. I don’t know. I say its more because she grew up in a time where children were seen and not heard. Imagine seeing me, and not hearing me??? Let us pause to laugh together on that one…
When your approach in a relationship with someone is to control, contort, or ridicule them into a person more palatable for you, be ready for the consequences afterward, okay? And, those consequences can range from they hate your guts, to, they just tolerate you. But, you know what??? If you can’t stay on your own canvas of life to paint, if you insist on trying to paint your colors on someones else’s life–then you deserve what you get! And, I don’t feel sorry for you.
My mother discovered yesterday that our conversations were going to be limited because she and I have nothing in common. Its like she just woke up. Our conversations have been limited for the majority of my life. When you are a parent, that refuses to accept your child for who they are, or, respect they’re an individual, and not a lump of clay waiting to be molded, you are trading off your entire relationship with your child. Anyway, I told her that I was quite aware that if we weren’t mother and daughter, we wouldn’t know each other at all. I aksed her if she was okay with this. She answered a very quiet “yes”. And, I said, “Good. So am I.”
I became who I am despite the constant adversity of my childhood. It wasn’t just my mom who didn’t get me, it was my entire family. See, when you have a mom like mine, it’s so much easier to “yes” her death. That’s how my siblings chose to survive it. Me??? Not so much. I gave her the hardest time. She told me I had a “spirit” about me, that she didn’t like, and it needed to be broken. Well, “that spirit” was me. And, after much soul-searching, crying and digging down deep, I realized that by letting “me” die, just to please my mother meant a certain physical death wasn’t far behind. Needless, to say… I wasn’t the one who got broken, I got stronger.
Miss Too Independent (Feel free to call me that! LOL), understands that people with the best intentions in the world, will use the most covert tatics to try an control you. I learned that at home. I thank my mother for that. Because when I left her home–I never looked back. Still to this day, I don’t ask for anything from she or any of my siblings. I was able to carve out an entire life, and family without them. You cannot be free-spirited answering to the moods, and manipulations of others. You have to trust yourself, with yourself. You have to answer the call within that says, “Break free and fly!”
I imagine it was upsetting for my mom to make these realizations about our relationship yesterday. Or, the relationship that the five of us as family have. We’re not collectively close. We work better in pairs. Anyone whose been to my house, is usually frightened by the overwhelming competition just to be heard. I usually get a migrane from them, and leave the room, or the house. 😉
The idea that the people you share DNA with is your family, is a fallacy. Your family are the people you share yourself with. Miss Too Independent may seem like a horrible person to my mother. She says what she wants, lives the way she wants. She calls her own shots, she doesn’t ask permission, she handles her own business. And, though asks for help when she needes it, she almost NEVER goes crying home to mommy. Personally, I love Miss Too Independent! She’s me, she’s my creation, and I’d go through everything I went through, just become her again. Flying free is what life is all about. Anything else wouldn’t be life for me, it’d be the waiting period before death.
To Miss Too Independent! Long may she reign! Cheers!
Love Peace Happiness N One,