So, I’ve never had a blog writing schedule, as I really reject the notion of feeling obligated to fill up silence, or space with meaningless words, or activities. I remember reading something Toni Morrison said about not wasting words. And, remember being in acting class being taught not to ever utter a word, or take a stage without a certain level of energy. I have found that adhering to these pieces of advice has really saved me from resenting people and situations that could be avoided if I just honored myself as a part-time introvert.
My energy levels work in fits and spurts. That has been the case since I was a child. I’d go to school, do my after school activity– usually something creative related, like dance team or drama club, come home exhausted and need a nap. My mom never understood the importance of that nap, and how it really was how I was able to do everything. And, though things have changed, in a lot of ways, they remain the same. I have a certain amount of energy on a given day and it must always be counter-balanced with rest. And, that isn’t an option… rest is critical to my well-being… PERIOD.
For context, understand that when I am “on”– I am able to multi-task at an astonishing capacity. I’m most happy when I have at least two jobs, a few social obligations, a book series I’m reading, and planning a trip of some sort– we won’t even get into the gym and the need for a mostly clean diet. When I’m not doing those things, I am typically developing myself spiritually. So…if something doesn’t fit into “on” time, it either has to wait, until the next energy burst, or… I simply let it go.
For me, my development as a spiritual being, a psychic medium, reiki practitioner and light worker, are my number one priorities in life. It’s something I made a conscious decision about a long time ago. And, I have never regretted it, and never will. I understand, without spirit, there is no life for us at all. Without a peaceful spirit, I would not have any interest in being here. I understand my happiness and well-being is my responsibility and any holes, voids, or lack of fulfillment is my work to do, no one else’s. At the same time, I understand I do have certain commitments to maintain when it comes to relationships with friends and family… But, for me– it better be a mutual commitment. If not… I will walk away.
Over the last few years, I’ve seen my circle of friends change as I have. In keeping my personal well-being at the forefront, I’ve allowed friendships that no longer serve my best and highest good to end organically, or, I’ve made a clear and direct announcement, that I can no longer have that person in my life. My guidelines of friendship don’t include friend-emies, it doesn’t include friends who are secretly competitive with me, friends who use me as a measuring stick for themselves, friends who undermine me, sabotage me in anyway, or, friends who resent me for being authentically myself. Those people aren’t friends–whether they know it or not. I also do not maintain friendships with people who think it’s okay to take my: 1. Time. 2. Energy 3. Kindness 4. Nurturing. 5. Capacity to listen and be present. 6. Capacity to love without judgment, and… 7. Empathy for granted. I am not the friend to contact and literally only talk about yourself. I am not the friend who you should contact ONLY when you need something, and assume I will be there because I always have been. And, while I am a person who will listen, explain, communicate, and provide space for you– I also will leave. It used to be that I would make a dramatic exit, I am a libra after all 😉 but, nowadays… I just prefer to disappear. And, when that happens, I’m convinced my former friend knows why, and what their part in it was.
Perhaps people don’t understand that our individual journey here is what life is all about. And, that doesn’t always include human interaction. It doesn’t always require company, or, an audience. It’s funny for me to say that as an actor, but, it is how I feel. When I perform it’s for the purpose of storytelling, educating, or the expansion of consciousness. But, in my private life– it’s about the expansion of ME. It’s about growing more into myself, it’s about developing my abilities at a deeper, sharper level. It’s about raising my frequency in a way that makes it easier for me to maintain embodiment. And, to do so, it requires I spend a lot of time alone contemplating, analyzing, accessing, shifting, breathing, allowing and occasionally… sleeping! Plus… I’ll be honest… I don’t have the patience for ignorance (willful or otherwise), insecurity, ego, and dense energy the way I used to. Simply put, if I don’t have to… I’d rather not. Oh, and, I definitely… won’t.
So, if you’re at this point in your life, where you just want things to be simple– go ahead, and do it. Make life simple for yourself. Set boundaries, recognize your deal-breakers, and never be afraid to walk away from anything that doesn’t nourish your soul. Life isn’t short, but, it IS finite… HOW do you want to use your energy?
Love Peace Happiness N One,
Monica
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