Maybe some of you have noticed the back ground of my profile. The reason I chose it is because it reminds me of my snowy owl tattoo on my lower back. What’s a snowy owl??? Well, Hedwig, from the Harry Potter books, she’s a Snowy Owl. Owls are well known in many socities, the are associated with everything from Shamanism to Wicca. If you really to know want it means to have owl medicine go here. If you’re too lazy to read it, well, then…you’ll never know. I bring this up for a reason….
Last night, I did something that would make most people truly uncomfortable. Something that most people try an avoid in their day lives–something that can make you feel naked while fully clothed. I went to an Eyegazing event! What is eyegazing? It’s like speed dating without words. For two minutes at a time I gazed into the eyes of perfect strangers, over and over again for approximately 20 minutes. And, what did I learn? I learned that most people are hiding the truth about themselves. They are constantly deceving people. They aren’t being their true selves. Why? Several reasons, I’m sure. But, what comes to mind the most? Fear of not being accepted for who you are. Fear of rejection, and fear of connecting with someone else/trust issues. And, yet… everyone is looking for someone to connect to.
My experience varied from awesome, good, happy souls to…downright morbid and dangerous souls. And, here’s the thing, you couldn’t talk or touch, so, when you gaze for two minutes…there is no place to hide, no deception and the many layers that make up you are there to be seen. I was told by three of my partners that they found me to be open, I helped them relax and one guy said, he didn’t want to smile back at me as widely as I smiled at him. And, when I asked why, he said “Stupid male-stuff.” LOL Blessings unto that man…at least he knows… How sad is it that we say we want to be understood, to connect with someone, and yet, we cannot even allow them to see into the window of our souls. I am really glad I had that experience, I am really glad I was afforded the opportunity to look people in the eye and see who was looking back at me. I think that kind of connection would solve many problems in every relationship that one  could think of.
I realize now, that one of the awesome gifts of my marriage was that my ex and I did eyegaze all the time, for the first few years at least. And, of course, that connection is why I married him in the first place… I think many from last night’s experience thought they’d meet someone for some romantic relationship. And, I have to be honest, I didn’t. I knew when I met the infamous “one”. You know “the one”? It’s sooo funny that we talk about our counterparts in that fashion. But, I think when it happens its like… wonderful and horrifying all at once. It’s like that seriously girly chick flick Pratical Magic–when you’re conjuring the spell for your true love, you never think they actually exist. And, when you meet them you realize that there is something very magical and miraculous about life. And, when they aren’t there, you realize that anything that isn’t like that is settling, and after a while, it just plain sucks–you had magic, and now  you have a bowl of Trix (Silly Rabbit).
Do you know about the amazing  last lecture of Prof. Randy Paush? He’s a Prof. at Cornell, and is dying with pancreatic cancer. I was watching Good Morning America last Friday and they were doing a story on his last lecture. He lectures on all the things he’s learned in life. He’s an amazing soul. He’s leaving this planet with an amazing attitude toward both life and death. He isn’t bitter, seemingly has no regrets and is opposed to pity–he’s not asking for it, looking for it, and doesn’t want it.
Some people may or may not know that my father died of lung cancer my freshman year of college. By the time they found it–it was too late. Eight months…then…no Daddy. Cancer is sooo wrong in how it slowly takes you away bit by bit. And, I know my Dad didn’t have closure on many things. He was quite angry about it, because he knew he didn’t make the apologies he should’ve, give the explainations that were deserved, or tell some of the people he loved that he really did love them. In short, some of it was downright ugly. So…I’m really inspired, humbled and grateful to all those who when it becomes apparent that its time to leave, and the fat lady is doing her vocal warm up they’ve done it all, no net and no regrets. There’s a link up there to see the lecture–its quite long, but…it could change your life.
Love Peace Happiness N One,

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