I just wanted to give a shout-out to all the people who live on the outside of the cookie-cutter. I wanted to give love to all those people who are carving their paths as they walk it. The people who are so clear as to who they are on the inside, that the idea of being “liked” by someone else no longer occurs, nor applies to them! Those are my people!
There are a few things that I’m repelled by. One of them is liars, and another is chronically negative people. Seriously…I just don’t have the time, energy or interest in people who yammer on and on about how bad their life is, without lifting an eyelid to make it better! Is it like a badge of honor to talk about how much you struggle compared to others? Does it make you feel better about yourself to think your pain is worse than someone else’s??? Or, to badmouth people based on their race, gender, spiritual-belief, or their social class?! I’m over it. And, if you bring it to me, expecting me to validate your twisted reasoning…I’m going to shut you down! FOR REAL, FOR REAL!
If you tell me you’re an alchoholic, I’m not going to offer you a glass of wine. If you tell me you’re on a diet, I’m not going to eat a huge slice of cake in front of you. And, if you’re a dark, depressed, self-destructive person with a nasty attitude who justifies it by saying something like, “Well, at least I’m not this, or that, or him or her, or…” I’m going to do one of two things. 1. Walk away and forget you existed. Or, 2. Ask you when you plan to do something about your negative attitude, grow up and take responsiblity for the state of your life!
A true friend will tell you the truth about yourself if they see that you are unhealthy. Assuming they love you! And, if they don’t, then how can you call them friend?! I am not apart of anyone’s Amen-Corner! What’s that? An Amen-Corner are those people in the church pews that say “Amen” to whatever the preacher says. No matter what is being said! They don’t argue, question, or use their own decernment in anyway shape or form. I’ve seen a lot of preachers be allowed to destroy their church, and their careers because when things started getting out of hand–NO ONE said anything! And, I’ve seen friends allow friends to get into life-threatening relationships, lifestyles and the like without so much as a peep! If you are that person you ARE NOT A TRUE FRIEND! I don’t care how you justify it to yourself , the truth is–you aren’t. And, when that friend of yours finally ruins themselves and you feel bad, please don’t start with the “coulda, woulda, shoulda(s)”! It’s TOO LATE!
I’m sooo blessed that not only am I that friend who will tell you exaclty what needs to be said, I’m also a person who has friends who do that! Hallelujah!!!!! And, I love you all for that very reason!!! The whole reason that we aren’t an island is because we need MIRRORS! And, that’s what a healthy relationship does for us. It reflects the positive and the negative! It shows us the things we like about ourselves and the things we’d like to “tweak”. Therefore surrounding yourself with people who’ll gladly cheer you on as you prepare to throw yourself off of a cliff is in a way, sucide! In any sort of self-help treatment they tell you to cut off the friends linked with the problem. It doesn’t matter if the issue is drugs, alcohol, over-eating, or what. If you’ve realized you’re self-destructive and your friends are a reflection of that…on some level, probably subconsciously…YOU ARE SUCIDAL! As the sayings goes…”There’s 6 million ways to die!” And, “Misery, loves company!”
My freshman year at NYU, Gene and I were on the outskirts of this very destructive group of friends. These kids partied together almost nightly, did various drugs together, got drunk together, and lived at Limelight together (the height of Disco 2000). And, I swear to you that a couple times a week at least one of that group of about eight people would be in our dorm room crying their freaking eyes out! They’d go on and on about how fucked up they were, their friends were and how they hated their lives, families, etc… We sat their sometimes separately, sometimes together, listening and sometimes crying with these kids. But, NONE of them got out in time. That crew of kids ended up getting arrested! How? Well, one of them stole someone’s credit card, they all went shopping with it and all got arrested. Co-dependency is real, people! –Parents were called and NYU made them live in separate dorms and promise never to hang out again, or they would be expelled! See??? If they really loved eachother as friends, I wouldn’t be able to tell this story, because it wouldn’t have happened!
So, to all of you who not only tell it like it is, but, live it like it is. For all of you who swim upstream when the flow of destruction is trying to sweep you away. For all of you, who choose to be honest when telling a loved-one something they don’t want to hear and endure the following: 1. Being hung up on. 2. Completely cut out. 3. Yelled at. 4. Beratted or belitted. — This blog is for you! You are a beacon for all who care to see, will see. You are the example! You are the standard! And, I salute you for BE-ing the thing others can only talk about!
For all of you who ignored your true friends, those real friends who loved you more than you could love yourself at the time…. My heart goes out to you. If you chose cut that person out of your life, then I know you’re already in pain. And, that you’re feeling more lost and confused than ever. Without a light to remind us that we can make our own, without a mirror to reflect our greatness–we tend to forget how great we are, and how much greater we can be.
Love Peace Happiness N One,