You know it’s funny when there are things around you telling you that certain events should come to fruition, and you just don’t see it? I’ve been going through that as of late…
I’m either getting old, wiser, or just simply uninterested, because even though I’m being shown all sorts of signs that certain issues that are unresolved between myself a couple of people will actually be resolved–I don’t know, I just don’t believe it. I know, I know, of all people, me, not believing in someone–I realize, it may come as a shock, but, nah…I just don’t. Everything in the world says that people don’t put themselves out there like they used to. They don’t want to be uncomfortable, vulnerable, or be in a place of not-knowing. And, therefore, after much trial and error, I simple cannot care anymore–I think I used all mine up. I’m just kinda swimming through the disappointment part, and eventually, these pepople, these issues…well, they just won’t be a thought anymore.
I’m a big fan of forgiving, if someone admits wrong-doing, and if that someone is me, I’ll totally admit it, and be ready with an apology. But, again…I realize, this isn’t the status quo, most people avoid admitting they were wrong, to the point of pretending like the incident never occurred in the first place. Again, I can forgive like you wouldn’t believe, but, forgetting? Wait–did you apologize, cause if not–no dice. Without admitting that your behavior was foul, inappropriate, or an overreaction, I just can’t see how you’d expect anyone to allow you back into their lives. And, why should they? I mean, doesn’t an apology imply that you will make an effort to not commit the same offence again? I know there’s no guarantees in life, but, unless the pink elephant is the room is acknowledged, I just don’t understand how you’re gonna get it back to the zoo.
As if I’m not picky enough regarding the people I have in my life, I’m becoming even pickier. I think we as individuals should know what and whom we can deal with and what we cannot. I cannot deal with liars, manipulators, hypocrites (damn–never did learn to spell that one correctly!), or blowhards who only talk game, but, live like losers. I’m not down for people who can point out “the way” for others while they live by a different set of rules. Nah, man…we can’t hang. If you’re following the “leader” the “leader” should be you. I know, I know…I’m harsh…And, you know what? That’s not going away.
I believe in giving people enough rope, you know? So, listen, when you’re swinging in the breeze, don’t be mad at me, aight? Suicide, even figuratively, is awful, and I’ll only try an talk you out of it once or twice, after that, I’ll be convinced that dead to me, is what you want to be. And, hey, I have power over no one but, me, and these days, I have to be seriously violated in order to fight anyone, so don’t look for me to make it “okay” between us. I’ll wave good-bye and get back to business. There’s very few people I’m feeling that deep anymore.
I know, I know…it seems that I’m becoming more and more apathetic, and that’s not true. What’s happening is, I’m just becoming more precise in my relationships. I don’t have to make due, or settle, or just deal–none of us do, we just “think” we do. The idea is to “separate the wheat from the chafe” as my friend Conshana would say. Or…allow the short-term relationships to be lived, learned from and let go of. In my opinion, that’s what freedom looks like, having the life experience YOU want, not one someone else wants you to have.
Love Peace Happiness N One,