I just want all to know that I’m going to be off-duty for a little while. I have this bad habit of sometimes putting other people’s issues before myself. And, while most of the time it isn’t a problem. Lately, I’ve noticed that I’m experiencing the “watching water boil” syndrome. I plant seeds, I point out options, directions, and am more than happy to share whatever wisdom I have. But, right now…is the time to allow the simmer to do whatever it will. I’ve given a lot of tools over the years, to various people. I have. I’ve been amazed at the progress some have made, and saddened by the ones who threw in the towel and settled for whatever. But, the truth of the matter is this: If you’re ever going to learn how to fly, you’ve gotta try out your own wings.
Even I go silent. Yes, it can be devestating to some, but, it does happen. It happens when I experience resistance for the sake of resisting. Yes, I understand its the fear of the ego and all its fragility, but, damn it people: You aren’t your freaking ego! It is apart of you–not the whole of you are! And, whatever pain the ego experiences, it means that growth, health and change are just on the other side of it. So, ask yourself, “How quickly do I want change?! How quickly do I want to get better?” If you want it yesterday, then you need to approach the pain in that way. “Yep, give it to me. Big freaking helpings of agony, tears, and whatever else I need to get through this!” Sounds crazy? Maybe, but, it works and I’m still here, and I’m not going anywhere, I’m just getting stronger!
Once upon a time, I was deeply in love with someone. And, when I realized that, I was terrified, because I knew that if something went wrong, I was going to have to be scrapped off the floor. Anyone who’s been in that kind love knows what I’m talking about. Well, guess what? Something went terribly wrong, and I had to walk away from that relationship. And, you wanna talk about pain and crying?! Oh…it got so ugly. How ugly? It got so ugly that I found myself one day curled up in the fetal position on my kitchen floor hysterical and I was sure that I was gonna die from the pain I experienced. Yet… I didn’t. I didn’t die. I chose to live, and love again. And, I’m better and stronger than I ever was. Truth is: if you don’t get to what I like to call “the ugly cry”, you won’t heal. You just won’t. By the way, when I was down on the kitchen floor–I was alone. And, I’m glad about it. With no one there to pet me up, I had to be there for myself. I had to tell myself I was going to be okay, and trust that I could do it. We don’t need one another people–yes, they are nice to have around. Other people teach us, and vice versa. They enhance the life experience, but, we do not need them. We need ourselves. It a lesson that I’m constant re-learning. If I cannot be there for me when I need me most–I sure as hell can’t be there for anyone else. So…off-duty for a day or so… Take care of yourselves. You all have it in you to do so.
Love Peace Happiness N One,