Hi-ho, hi-ho…it’s down the rabbit hole we go!!!!! Whew…there’s no end, I get that… But, my goodness…it’s not getting any easier, either! That’s the thing about growth, just when you think you’ve found a place to relax, the ground beneath you starts to grumble, then quake, then… –Yeah, you realize you have two choices: 1. move forward, or 2. fall along with everything and everyone else. I’m not falling…so, I’ve been on the move as of late.
“The Fellowship is breaking…”
In the past few years, I’ve seen my inner circle change it’s guard. I’ve waved goodbye to people and hugged others hello. I’m not going to lie, it’s hard. And, sometimes, it hurts. But, the truth is, I am not sentimental when it comes to relationships of any sort. Why? Because I know that the people I truly keep close to me, are an extension of me and I mean the “circle within the circle” of me. Therefore, I am not going to maintain relationships simply because we’ve known eachother forever. Sometimes, you grow apart, sometimes, you fall apart, sometimes, one wants to only give, and the other only take. Sometimes…there’s no balance. And, I require that of all my relationships. Balance… the entire human world could use a lot more of that.
Another thing I’ve found is that when you try an hold onto something that is moving in the opposite direction of you, then there’s this separation that happens within yourself. You have to choose. Will it be them? Or, will it be you? And, with me–it’s got to be me. Always. I’ve had people in my life, ask me to give more than my share, while they barely show up at all. And, it’s soo not cool. It’s actually extremely selfish–not to mention a attempt to control the relationship. Simply put, I don’t think we should ever ask for what we aren’t willing to offer ourselves. I’ve grown tired of the lame excuses, for what simply amounts to a FEAR OF CHANGE, a FEAR OF VULNERABILITY, a FEAR OF THE UNKNOW, a FEAR OF LOVE. The world is filled with “Yappers”. People talk about how the world should be, instead of living how the world should be. These are the kind of people that have left my life–but, it’s a natural occurence I think. Growth, that’s natural, as is stagnation–I mean, I call it death, but, that’s just me.
So…for the past week, I’ve been seeking my own counsel. I’ve spent a lot of time alone, reflecting, thinking, meditating, etc. And, what I’ve come to understand is that not everyone wants to live, not everyone desires happiness, not everyone wants to love and be loved. All these things are conscious choices that we make, and our behavior reflects whether or not we are getting closer to the goal. Meaning, if you want to live, not just exist… If you want happiness, if you want love and to be loved–you will work for it. These things cost you something. It will requie you being uncomfortable where you are, so you can move toward where you want to be. It will require you to look down the rabbit-hole aka the unknown and jump in. It will cost you forgetting everything you thought you knew about yourself and the world, so that you can rediscover you and the world all over again. It will require that you remain the student forever, as you simultaeously become the master. And, it will require that you trust both yourself and what some might call “Great Spirit”, “Alpha/Omega”, “All Thing”, “No Thing”, “The Universe”, “Creator”, “I AM” oh…and um…”God”. Heehe..Serious stuff, huh? Yes. And, no. Yes, because there will be a lot of times when you just don’t know the answer. And, no, because you’ll find humor in the new things you’ll discover about yourself and the world. It can be quite delightful. Dr. Suess taught me these things first, and best. And, this is why I laugh a lot, and I dance even when there’s no music–no, no that’s not right… There is music, there’s always music. The music is me–I’m the song (–the favorite one of at least one soul.) and I’m dancing to my own rhythm, and keeping time with my own groove. I don’t know what anyone else wants out of life, but, me??? I want more songs and a lot more dancing! Oh, I should warn you, I have been known to spontaneoulsy bust a move in public, and occassionally JW will do it with me. LOL
Love Peace Happiness N One,