It’s already been an interesting day. I went to sleep last night at midnight. And, at 4:28a.m. or so…my eyes popped open. There I was in bed in the complete darkness…wide awake. I’ve been doing that a lot as of late. It can be frustrating, but, I’m making peace with it.
I’m not really an insomniac, because I do a lot in my sleep. Some people have dreams, and I do as well, but, a lot of times…I’m out. Meaning…I leave and go places. Yes, I’m talking O.B.E. I have them a lot, and though I don’t talk about them, it is a truth in my life. And, its been happening more and more in recent years. So, I’m thinking that my waking up, was the equivalent of a “safe landing”. LOL… Where did I go? Hmmm… not sure this time, but, sometimes I remember.
So, as I’m laying there at 4:30 ish, what am I doing? Well… a lot of times, I’ll be talking to my spirit guides (Disclaimer: if you have an issue with metaphysics, now would be the time to stop reading.), or…just listening to what’s going on with me. I often talk about the quiet moments in which our conscious really has a chance to speak. My real me–the essence, talks all the time, and I listen almost all the time as well. I’m what you would call “awake”, “present”, “open”… therefore, I get to hear and see things that most people miss. Which is why I can say to you that synchronicity is very real, and there truly is no such think as a coincidence.
Here’s what I know for sure… My life must have meaning. Otherwise, I just couldn’t do it. I know a lot of people struggle with finding their purpose, and to that I say, “keep searching”, as it’s probably been there all along waiting for you to recognize it. There’s a certain kind of clarity that you have when you know why you’re here, what your truth is, and who you really are. The best way I can describe it is like everything is sharpened, your sight, hearing, feelings, emotions, etc. And, at the same time, you become an observer of your life as well as a participant.
As I live in NYC, I am constantly given the opportunity to see how other people approach life. And, one of the things that concerns me is the montony. People are going through the motions of life, but, if you look in their eyes, you can see that no one is home. Or, if they are, they wish they weren’t. Have you ever looked at someone who’s eyes say the exact opposite of the rest of their face? For example, they have a huge smile, but, it seems…forced, fake, or simply wrong? They want you to see the smile and believe it, so you won’t look in their eyes. As the eyes don’t lie. They simply cannot. If you want to know if someone is telling you the truth, look into their eyes. If they try an avoid eye contact, you know, something is amiss.
I can no longer go through the motions of life. It has to mean something. My work, has to mean something to me, my friendships, my relationships… I don’t have the ability to fake anything. I never really did, but, I absolutely don’t now. Recently, its become important to me that all my relationships have intimacy. And, no, I’m not talking about sexual intimacy. I’m talking about real intimacy. I want to know the person, I’m befriending, talking to, spending time with. And, increasingly, it’s becoming apparent to me that most people don’t want to be known. Which is fine, I respect that, but, I don’t want to waste my time trying either. It’s amazing how that offends people. And, yes, they do get offended. They simply don’t understand why the little that they offer isn’t enough. In the past, I would try an explain why that’s unacceptable for me. Not anymore.
When you smile at someone, hug them, kiss them, or even shake their hand. It’s supposed to be a physical expression of how you feel about them. And, when its faked, it can be quite horrible. When I’ve had these encounters, I’m always left wondering, “Why did you bother in the first place?” If you don’t mean the hug, the kiss, the… Why lie about it? If it’s asking too much, just don’t give anything at all. No one wants to put anything on the line, so to speak. And, then they wonder why their lives seem so empty. My mom had this saying that if you don’t put any money in the bank, then you cannot expect to withdraw anything, either.
What I’m grateful for is all the people who really do put themselves out there. There are people who don’t wait for a threat to their mortality for them to really live. There doesn’t have to be a dramatic incident for you to decide to live with a purpose, to be awake, to be present, right now. You can just decide that you are no longer interested in going through the motions of life, but, actually livng life full out. I know there are going to be people who read this who’ll pretend they don’t know what I’m saying, but, you do… I know you do.
It’s a big place…the universe, it’s vast, never-ending and ever-expanding. I can’t imagine why someone would choose to remain unaware of it, or, their place in it. I can’t imagine why someone would choose to live life as if it’s predictable, boring, and pointless. Me??? I’m an explorer, I’m wondering how much ground I can cover in this one life. I’m wondering how far I can stretch myself as a being, by stretching how I imagine myself and the world I live in. I fully believe that everything has a meaning, a place, and a purpose. It’s up to us to ask the questions, and be present when the answers are revealed.
Love Peace Happiness N One,