Photo of the highly spiritual art of Alex Grey
The process of ascension is a never-ending one– the more you accept that, the easier things will be for you. There is no there to get to. What it is–is a level of consciousness forever hovering over where you are right now in your journey. It will always call out to you, it will always beckon you to come closer to stretch yourself toward it, to expand to grow. And, in between where you are now, and that new level of consciousness is the area of the unknown, the shadow, the void. Unfortunately, it is because of this area that far too many choose not to continue their spiritual journey. Some do not start at all because of it, others choose to get stuck and ignore the beckoning of a higher version of themselves calling to be freed, to be embodied, to be lived.
It is this fear that separates us from ourselves and each other. After choosing to go through the void, to embrace the shadow, and being reborn– I am familiar with this process. I accept it is never-ending, and when it seeks me… I seek it. I choose growth, I choose expansion… I choose ascension–over and over, and over again. And, not once have I ever regretted it. Not once, have I doubted my choice, and not once have out wanted to return to an older version of myself that had to die in order for me to be who I am now. I gladly and willingly release what who I was, what I thought I knew, and the known for the unknown. I wasn’t born this time, to get stuck, to stop, to seek comfort, to know everything. That isn’t what this lifetime is about.
The supermoon and sunstorm began the most recent process of striping things from me that are no longer serving my highest good. Whether those things be energies, relationships, or beliefs–I have been called by my own shadow side, my dark side, to let things go. I will be honest in that it has been irritating, exhausting, and not always explainable. But, I know what this is. This is me releasing parts of myself that are aching to leave, to be transformed and returned to me anew. I have spent a lot of time working, exercising and actively seeking rest– and, sometimes rest has alluded me. Meaning: sleep was becoming more myth than reality. Sound sleep was missing all together.
Ascension does ask you to eventually release everything. Let go of traditions, beliefs held too tightly, relationships based on ideals rather than love and respect. I give these thing gladly, because I have suffered at my own hand when I’ve tried to hold onto things and people who no longer belong in my life. No one wants to talk about these things. No one wants to mention that what you may have to let go of is your family, your culture, your religion in order to reach the highest, best, and wisest version of you that you can be. But, I will… I’ll talk about it. And, I will let you decide for yourself, as I have chosen to decide for myself.
My fortieth birthday approaches in the coming weeks. And, in that time, I’ve release the last toxic relationship of my family. My sister. So… if you’re counting. I have released my younger brother, my mother and my sister. For the sake of my own self worth, self-love, and peace. I love them though. No one will challenge you to go against tradition like your family. No one will pull at every fiber of you like your family. No one will dare, attempt to thwart your soul-independence like your family. They have been a gift to me in that– they forced me to choose what was best for me, rather than maintaining a status quo that for me– has always been toxic. They challenged me to speak my truth and live it, knowing that I would alienate them, their ideals and their Christian faith. And, I rose to this challenge– and I won: MYSELF. And, they won their ideals…without me. And, I will never look back. Many people think that without your family, you are nothing, my experience has been quite the opposite. Without my family, I am everything I meant to be… and, more!
The air and space in which I live my life is rarefied, it’s buoyant, it carries me because I chose it. I carry me, because I chose me. You can surround yourself with so many people who say they love you, and care for you–yet still feel ganged up on, and alone. It is only when you’ve built a healthy solid relationship with yourself, that you realize that everyone can come and go, but, if you have yourself–you know, and feel confident that you have everyone you need. We teach co-dependence as a species to gain power over one another. We teach it, so no one feels the need to leave a situation, no matter how much it’s hurting them. We teach making the whole more important and valuable, than the sum of it’s part. And, simply put: We’ve been WRONGED in our education. The individual is the most important thing in our lives. The individual can change the entire universe by how it relates to it. No one wants to teach you that– it’s up to you to reach for that knowledge yourself. But, it is the truth. And, when you know this for yourself, there’s not enough doctrine in existence that can convince you otherwise.
My true family stretches beyond the confines of this planet, this realm, this dimension. I know that for sure. My healthy relationships stem from the one I have with myself. I no longer put much energy into maintaining anything that is dying to leave me. Whether it be my friends, my spiritual affiliations, or anything that needs to go– I’ve already made up my mind. My hand is open, and if something needs to fall from it… And, so it is. This is the shadow space… This is what I must do in order to get to the next level of me. Whatever ascension requires of me… Whatever I require of myself, to be more of myself, to remember more of myself… I have already chosen to do it. I ask no one’s permission, acceptance, agreement, or validation. This is my life’s journey, this is my adventure, this is my story; the scenery will change, the cast will be re-casted, but, the star and the destination, will always remain the same. 😉
So, forty approaches– the year of the heart, the healing energy– the time of great compassion. And, I am happily, hopefully and faithfully walking toward it, with one word in my heart, mind and mouth– that word is: YES. Let’s do this, I am ready!
Love Peace Happiness N One,