Real talk boys and girls. And, if you cannot take the heat… this ain’t the spot for you today! Go now…and, don’tcha dare look back.
Today we’re going to talk about helping each other. I want to talk about it, because people, too many people are clueless as to what help really means. Helping is a self-less act in which we provide tools, advice or guidance to allow someone to HELP THEMSELVES!
Help DOES NOT mean the following:
1.Softening the blow for someone when they choose to learn the hard way.
2.Taking over and doing their work for them.
3.Standing over them making sure that they use the tools, or advice you’ve provided.
4. Bartering help, in attempt to control another.
Help means: You do your part, you make room, and allow the other person to CHOOSE to help themselves. And, guess what– you’re not going to like it– but, that’s not my purpose…THEY DON’T HAVE TO TAKE THE HELP! Tada! 🙂 Hey, I told you–you wouldn’t like it. But, it’s the truth, and if applied appropriately, you don’t have to be hurt.
Helping someone means you aren’t always going to get returns on what you’ve invested. Helping is like the stock market–it’s a gamble. It’s a display of faith you have in the other person, to get themselves where they need to go. And, if they go there, wonderful and blessings for you both. And, if they don’t — it’s on them, not on you and has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! Do not allow the decisions of others to become a reflection of yourself. I think this is why parents have such a hard time knowing when to stay out of their kids lives. Parents start thinking that how little Johnny or Mary behaves reflects them as parent. And, hey if little Johnny or Mary are still underage and living with you –that may be partly true. But, when you have provided them with the best tools, advice, guidance and truth that you know of — you must allow them to both make the choices and live the consequences as the individuals they are. The mamas and the papas of the human variety need to take heed to that of other species. A mama in the wild does not spend too much time making sure her young can walk, fly, hunt or have developed instinct. Why is that? Because she could get herself KILLED if she does. And, we are no different. SHUT UP MONICA!!! That’s not ture! No? Really? Look at your depeleted bank account and tell me again it’s not. Recall all the sleepless nights you’ve had on account of someone else’s choices, and tell me again, it’s not. Look at the state of your health, due to the stresses you take on belonging to someone else, and tell me it’s not true! Look at your parents, children, friends, family, lovers and tell me again… IT’S NOT TRUE! No! I will not be shutting up… But, again…if you can’t take the heat…
Help when expressed in an unhealthy way becomes a drama addiction. Hear me out: A person makes a series of poor choices, and creates a life where they require “saving”. They realize this and scream, “HHHeeeelllpppp!” Someone comes to save them. And, the victim is now on their feet. So, now what do they do? Wait for it… wait for it.. they… go fuck up again! Tada!! And, then, they scream, “Hhheeeelllppp!!!” And, either a new savior, or godforbid the same savior comes into “help” all over again. If this is your life, and you are either the victim or the savior, I have news for you both– the root cause of this situation is EGO! On both sides! BOOM! Wait… Did someone just slam my kitchen door on the way out?? Hm… Oh well… Some people really don’t want their illusions destroyed…
Saviors, check your ego, okay? The truth is you cannot SAVE anyone! You can provide tools, guidance, advice… you cannot DO THE WORK FOR THEM. The only person you can save is YOU. You cannot: 1.Fix 2.Do 3.FORCE — how do I know, you know I’m right? Because I know you’ve TRIED THEM ALL!!! And, it didn’t work, because it’s NOT SUPPOSED TO. Now, go sit down somewhere and absorb that.
Victims… Let’s be real. Wherever you are in your life… YOU GOT YOU THERE. Your EGO is tripping if it thinks you are above DOING YOUR OWN WORK! You aren’t able to be saved by anyone, if you will NOT CHANGE the attitude that made you a victim in the first place.
The problem with this drama is: No one will win. Saviors cannot save victims, and victims cannot be saved by anyone other than THEMSELVES. And, when no one will recognize this– what started out being an act of kindness, becomes a power struggle. The egos are fighting against one another, for surpremacy because the “savior” thinks they know what’s best for the “victim”, and the “victim” doesn’t want the “savior” to tell them what to do!
So, Monica, what am I supposed to do?
If you’re a person who wants to truly help, be willing to say “NO!” Understand that after you’ve provided the tools, the knowledge, the advice, the guidance… You are DONE. Go find something else to do with yourself. The vicitm is not a pot of water that needs you to make sure it boils. You are officially off duty… go live YOUR LIFE.
If you are the person seeking help. Be HONEST about why you need help and whom you need help from. The answer is the same: YOURSELF. You do not need someone to do your work for you— you need to deal with the consequences and learn from them. You must CHANGE! You cannot live your life, or any life, thinking that your choices don’t create consequences. Or, that if you make a mess, it’s someone else’s job to clean up after you.
Helping isn’t always pretty. The person who helps will not always be seen as beautiful, a rockstar, a hero. Often times, the exact opposite is true. When a person with victim mentality isn’t getting what they want, they will turn like a pitbull on those who only want to help, if for not other reason than, it destracts them from dealing with themselves.
The person who wants to help, needs to understand, that sometimes… YOU CANNOT HELP. And, that, in itself is helping. Say, “NO!” When that is the true answer. Say, “You have to do it yourself!”, when they come crawling back for the millionth time crying, “Help me!” Two people are being helped in that scenario. You are no longer enabling the victim to remain so, and you are empowering yourself, to keep your soul a peaceful home to be lived from.
Being of service is oftentimes seemingly thankless. But, when you’ve sincerly provided all that you know, to someone else– you’ve exhausted all the power alotted to you in this realm. And, what realm is that?? The realm of FREE WILL.
Namaste… Be the light that shines in the darkest of hours.