Oh my lord what a Monday… This one was exhausting. I was busy, tired and didn’t really leave my desk most of the day. And, some human errors involving a trip I planed had me there until 6pm…ugh! But, I digress, because home never looked so good as it did when I got here this evening.
I just want to talk about something that’s becoming more relevant lately. And, that’s the importance of not only hearing someone, but, listening to them. And, often I have had to deal with situations where I have tried to be as honest and above board with people as possible, only to be ignored. And, when the chips fall, it becomes a bad case of, “I told you ______ would happen before you did _______. Why didn’t you listen to me?” Some people enjoy that game. I do not. I do not enjoy repeating myself, but, I will up to a certain point. But, when it becomes clear that you aren’t listening to me because you don’t want to, or, you don’t like what I’m saying because it doesn’t serve your interests…I’m outta there. Yet, when it happens, no one ever believes me. Before I got my divorce, I exhausted every route trying to save my marriage. That is until I realized, I was the only one willing to do the hard, icky, stuff like exorcise my innner deamons. And, rip myself appart psychologically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally in order to keep both myself and my husband. I did it–I did it all, because leaving someone you’ve loved for 13yrs, isn’t something you take lightly, and I needed to be sure. I needed to be able to look at myself afterward. And, I did it. And, I’m much better for it. And, yeah… I left.
I know that because I do put so much effort forth in all my relationships, my job and my passions, that its hard for people to think I can walk away. But, make no mistake–I can, I have and I will. Even when the ocean’s current heads to the beach, its undercurrent heads to the sea. Meaning: energy is reciporcal. My mom has this saying that if you don’t put money in the bank, you can’t expect to go there and take money out. And, that’s the same with relationships and jobs…with life. If you don’t want to put any effort into it, don’t expect to get anything back.
Mind you, I realize that there’s a lot of one-way relationships being conducted as I write this. I’m just wise enough to know that I will not be a participant in one of them. I haven’t the desire, the desperation, or a low enough self-esteem, because really that’s the only way those kinds of relationships can work. If someone thinks that the other party is just a little bit better than them, and they, themselves are sooo lucky to be chosen by that person, job, or whatever. I’m a workaholic, overachiever, hard-ass, type-A, who doesn’t relax enough. But, one thing I am not is misguided enough to think there’s something, or someone I do not deserve. I, like everyone else deserve the best that the world has to offer me, and I will not settle for anything less than that, for that is what I always offer. And, if I cannot offer that, I won’t offer anything at all.
Needless to say, this perspective of what some might call “all or nothing” makes me annoying to some people. But, if it isn’t all or nothing, isn’t it half-assed, not sure, maybe or nothing? Eww… How do you build a life on those things? Um…by the way, I wouldn’t know. But, it sure seems like a flimsy foundation to me.
So those of you who I “told” about this, that, or the other thing and you chose to ignore me, I’m sad by it. I’m sad when I have to question whether to stay or go. And, I’m deeply hurt, when I just have to go..deeply hurt. But, as I said, energy is reciporcal. If you do not want my best efforts, you pretty much don’t want me at all. And, if you cannot offer your best efforts, again, you don’t want me. Life’s too short to cause unnecessary confusion, or try an get things you haven’t earned. I’m here to have a good time, a wonderful experience and make good memories. If you’re ridin’ I have room for you–if not, get there however you can.
Love Peace Happiness N One,

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