You may think I’m asking you a silly question. But, I assure you, I am not. Have you had the pleasure of meeting yourself? Have you had a true introduction, and deep conversation with yourself? I think we take ourselves for granted quite a bit. We assume that just because we are inside our own bodies, and lives all the time, that we truly know ourselves. And, a lot of time that isn’t the case.
I remember when I was around 10 years old, and I was discovering Louise Hay and her book You Can Heal Your Life, for the first time. And, she had this exercise where she told you to look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I love you.” If you’ve ever tried this, then, you know that it’s not easy. I distinctly remember my mom could do not it. And, also remember the day that I could tell myself, “I love you”. I cried. It was a quiet stream of tears running down my face. I think I was around 14 or 15 when it clicked for me that yes, yes, I really do love myself. And, I really set about taking care of her (me).
I’ll admit, I was an odd child, as children go. I spent a lot of time alone, reflecting, thinking, wondering about myself, my life, and who I’d become. I got my first diary at 13 years old and I’ve been keeping one ever since. Self-reflecting is an intricate part of who I am, and yet, I assume that everyone does this. And, it’s simply not true.
Self reflection requires that you spend time alone with yourself without distraction, interruption, or without your mind, fears, or fantasies running away with you. It requires you to be able to look into a mirror, deep into your own eyes, into your soul and acknowledging who’s there. And, of course, it’s you–but, who is that person?? What do they like? What do they not like? What do they love? What do they fear? What makes them tick? What makes them swoon? What makes them happy? Are they silly? Too serious?? And, most of all, do they enjoy being you? Or, are you not giving them the chance to express themselves at all??
We take for granted that as we live our lives, we are truly expressing ourselves. But, how can that be? We live in a world that judges itself, that judges us, and teaches us to judge ourselves and it, almost before we learn anything else. We are told who to be, how to act, what’s acceptable, and what isn’t by the whole, so much so, that the individual is a lot of the time being left to feel unworthy, unloved and ashamed for just wanting to express itself and how it is not like anyone else. Yet, the truth is–we aren’t like anyone else entirely. And, that’s a good thing!
Lately, I’ve been watching people going through the motions of living life. They are reactionary, as opposed to proactive. They follow the rhythms of life, regardless of whether or not the music truly suits them. People treat one another in ways that they, themselves would be appalled by. We allow other people to tell us who we are, and then accept it as truth. And, then wonder to ourselves in the inevitable quiet times (i.e. going to sleep, or just waking up), “Why?? Why am I so unhappy? Why do I feel empty? Why do I feel invisible, or, just not enough?”
I’ve gotten to the point in my life, where I must check in with myself. I look in the mirror on almost a daily basis, just to see how I’m doing. I sit in the silence and check-in with my body, to find out what it needs. Am I hungry? Am I tired? Is that ache telling me, I need to sleep more? Is that headache warning me that I need to relax? Am I anxious because I’m over-thinking something beyond my control? If I’m uneasy, I should know why, because I know who I am, and I listen to myself.
Years of self-reflection has me questioning the theory of the subconscious. And, yes, though it’s been studied in various forms–one cannot slice open a human brain and prove a subconscious. Because honestly, “sub” implies that something is below the suface. And, I’m at the point where I feel very confident that I’ve excavated my subconscious. There’s very little that you could tell me about myself that I don’t already know. Why? Well…I ask me questions all the time. But, more importantly, I listen, I accept, and I really do love me. So, what is there to hide? What is there to bury? We bury things we don’t want to see, or deal with. But, what if we could deal with everything? What if we could talk about and work through all the challenges, hurts and fears that we have within ourselves? Well, my guess would be that we’d be fully conscious. And, we’d know who we truly are. Needless to say, if everyone chose to do this–the world would be a new place indeed.
I encourage you to be brave, be bold and to go about the task of finding out who you are. We are wonderful, we are complicated, intricate, interesting and unique. We are worthy of our own love and acceptance, and what is said by others who do not live in our skin, shouldn’t mean more than what we say to ourselves, about ourselves.
“Getting to know you… Getting know all about you… Getting to like you… Getting to hope you like me…” –When its yourself you’re singing to, this song takes on a whole new meaning. 😉
Love Peace Happiness N One,