I went into the city today, to be amongst people. It was a conscious act, because I didn’t leave my apartment yesterday. I try and squeeze in alone time and rest whenever I can.
I went to Virgin Mega, bought some music (system of a down, U2 and Chilli Peppers–in case you were wondering). I went, got some ice cream cause it’s hot and goregous today, and sat in the park. Okay…in case you didn’t know, I’ll talk to just about anyone. And, those of you, who truly know me–know that. In fact, I know some of you are annoyed by it, but…it’s not about to change.
Anyhoo, a man down on his luck started talking to me. So, I talked back. I made it very clear from the beginning when he hinting about my man (I’m sorry, what man is that?), that I’m not in the market for one, I’m not with one, etc. So, after he supposedly got that we continued talking. We talked about Jazz ( I love jazz and can talk about it at length), and we talked about people in general, life…you know…stuff. After telling me he thinks I’m different and very intellectual, he wants to know when he can see me again. Okay…I thought we went over that already. I had to set him straight. First of all, I was having a conversation about Jazz, and life. So, I had to remind him of that. And, I said, “Why can you just enjoy the moment for what it is? A good conversation.” He apologized for his behavior and got defensive, and I called him on it. I said, you know, you told me you were lonely–understandable, because the man was semi, or fully homeless. But, just because I talk to you, doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you. IMHO, this is one of the major problems in society. A person is down on their luck, right (whatever that means to you)? They meet someone of the opposite sex who seems like they have something going on–why do they feel like they need to be with this person to make their lives better? If there’s a hole in this man’s life, why does he think a complete stranger (me) can fill it? He then says, “You’re a stranger, for all I know, you could be setting me up.” And, I said, “Let me tell you something about me. I have a lot going on in my life–why would I even think about setting you up?” Hello? What, I’m so pathetic, and miserable that I go around preying on people to make myself feel better? Ew!!!! The classic victim mentality. The whole world is against you, or after you, or some crap like that. The ego is a big fat liar, people! When you’re hurt, the ego will lie to you and tell you all sorts of things, to make you feel better about poor choices and the consequences that came with them. I apologized to the man, because I knew the rejection hurt him, but, I said, “You told me you were lonely, I understand that. And, here we are having a great conversation on a beautiful day. Why can’t it be as simple as that?” It wasn’t anything more that what it was. Two people talking. Thing is, I did give that man a lot. I talked to him, when others were avoiding him, I listened and I acknowledged him. Why people think that sexual relations is the only way to interact with people on a deep level continues to puzzle me. I cannot give him whatever he thinks I have going for me in my life, and sex wouldn’t have given it to him either. Yet, people still try. And, its truly sad! Your void, is your void. There’s not enough sex, drugs, alcohol, shopping, smoking, or whatever your poison of choice is, to fill YOUR void. The only thing you can fill your void with is YOU. Mind you, I did not say this directly to this man, but, he understood my point. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, so, he left. It was expected. What do we do in life when our problems beckon us to solve them? We either deal, or avoid. Most people avoid, but, it’s just waiting for you, somewhere else. It comes, it’ll always come. We cannot run from ourselves or our problems. They’ll always find us. So, we might as well suck it up, roll up our sleeves, suck in some courage and get knee deep in our own shit. I mean, who else is going to clean it up? LOL
Love Peace Happiness N One,