Every now and again, I remember something really important about myself… I AM NOT NORMAL! LOL And, I have to be honest, I’ve known for like… hmm..27yrs, at least. This isn’t news to me–yet, there are many things in life that happen just to remind me, “I am not like the other kids.” Recently, someone told me they thought I might be an “alien”! LOL… Big up, Sam, thanks for noticing! My answer? Well, define “alien”, it has sooo many different definitions for different people.
When I was a kid, approximately 5, I remember thinking, I wasn’t going to stay in North Carolina, I was going to be an actress. And, well, I did that–and, I imagine, I’ll do that until…okay, forever. I’m goal oriented, so, I can honestly tell you that at 13, I had much of my life planned out. And, I’d say like…95% of it went as planned. I’m still an actress, but, I’m not a celebrity, and I have to be honest–I’m so relieved about it. I mean, who really takes celebrities seriously? As an artist, I’d rather you look at my message, than me.
So, nowadays, my abnormal life is my normal. And, I’m used to the raised eyebrows, when I speak from my heart–when I speak my truth, which is usually a direct contraction of what’s socially acceptable. I know that my thoughts on the grandness of us all, individually and collectively, isn’t shared by most. I mean, you can tell just in the way that we treat one another, the way we consume so much crap to feel worthy of being–in general. We’re sooo bored in this country, we’re so bored we’re suicidal. We eat crap, buy crap, wear crap, drink crap, pop crap-pills… Why??? Cause damn, people just can’t find a reason to be here at all. Remember once upon a time, where people went looking for themselves? You know? They’d ask themselves, “Who am I? Why am I here? What’s the meaning of all this?” Yeah, they got a pill for that, so you just go to sleep and stop even asking those kinds of questions. And, even if you do–there’s a mentality that to even ask those kinds of questions makes you something other than normal. Normal looks freaking miserable to me, you can have my share.
I’ve come to realize that we all come to a crossroads a few times in our lives. As you stand there, you realize, you have to make a decison. Will I take the path that looks a little hilly, has many twists and turns, but, looks really exciting. Or, will I take the path that is well worn, comes with a map, a lot of street signs, and is well-known? And, you know what? That’s the difference between having an ordinary and extraordinary life. Normal, doesn’t have many surprises, and when it does, it totally threatens the people who are used to little if any change, who navigate their future by looking at their pasts, or the past of someone else… One little glimpse of extraordinary could make the entire house of cards fall down. Normal, is accepted by everyone, and normal never asks you to be the leader.
I cannot be normal, and, the day I embraced that, was the day I emancipated myself from this commercialized, pop life, that so many people are bored with. I realized today, that anyone I have or have had a relationship with made a decision that they didn’t want a completely normal life, when they decided to make me apart of it. And, I know that the people closest to me, aren’t normal either–they’re inspiring! Sure, some may dress the part, but, heehee…they are in deep cover!
A friend of mine and I were talking today about love relationships. And, you know, I realize now, why people have so many regrets about the one that got away. Okay…you meet this amazing person, right? And, they give you butterflies all the time, no matter how long you’ve known them, but, the relationship calls for you to step up your game in a way that scares you, so you bail. And, then, you meet another person, that you like well enough, and you don’t have to step up your game at all. There it is: The crossroads. Do you want ordinary love, or extraordinary??? Me???? If its not extraordinary, I know I just won’t be able to do it. I’m no good at routine, I’m even worse at predictability and monotony. And, if I can’t be challenged, enlightened or asked to be more–yeah…um..I’m outta there. A friend of mine said about the love of her life she’d rather be sitting across from him saying absolutely nothing, than wasting time with someone else! Dude..I feel you! Like Dylan Thomas, I will not go gently into that good night! Meaning: this life thing??? I’m going to live it, and leave it all on the floor!
Normal??? Nah… Ordinary??? –Couldn’t if I tried, and when I was a teenager, I really did! See, thing is, I never was good with authority, cause I just never believed anyone had any over me–and, I still think that. And, following the leader??? Dude… I am the leader of this life! I’m the author of this story, and, yes, I will allow collaborations, but–no one is taking over my pen, my keyboard, or my paint brush! Back off and go be normal, over here, we live in technicolor!
Love Peace Happiness N One,