Mercury going to direct was one of the most exhausting experiences for me in months! The retrograde of Mercury was joined by six other planets, and I am not ashamed to tell you that by the grace of well-earned spiritual discipline, I survived it. Everything from communication to commuting issues. From my sensitivity of sounds, to the conscious breathing… people…that was a lot!
When I woke up yesterday, every inch of my body was screaming, “I am not going anywhere! If you try to make me move you’ll pay for it!” So, when my body is in this mood. I call in. You don’t go against exhaustion in body, mind and spirit. You just don’t do it. And, if you do, you’ll learn not to after enough ass-kickings. 😉
When I finally felt rested enough to leave my bed, it was 1pm in the afternoon. And, I was groggy and hungry. I purposely did as little as possible yesterday, because I simply could not take any kind of exertion. I did read a lot, but, I found that exhausting after a while too. So, I just kinda laid on the couch, and checked out, while being snuggled by my cats. People don’t understand that a lot of ascension is doing nothing, and allowing everything. And, allowing gets easier as you simply do not have the strength or desire to do anything else.
Yesterday was also a day where I was getting some very interesting news about my family. And, when you get to where I am in your journey, you don’t stop having human emotions about things, but, you check them as quickly as possible. You check those emotions with the wisdom of knowing… “This is not my drama, and there’s nothing I can do.” I won’t say it makes you feel better, as I did have moments of frustrations. I will say, it keeps you together, solid, and safely in the reality of what belongs to you, and what doesn’t. I do not take on other people’s drama, it doesn’t matter our relationship, yet I do have compassion for those who put themselves through it. This is one of the ways that wisdom separates us from the unwise. You know you are no one’s messiah, but, your own. You know that you cannot save someone from themselves, or anyone else. You know that you cannot help anyone unwilling to help themselves, or receive it. And, you know not to argue or fight with this wisdom. You honor it–respect it.
The rest of yesterday went by with relative ease, and very little thinking. I made some dinner, enjoyed it and read some more. Around 11pm…I contemplated sleep. I was tired… again. So, I started my powering down routine. And, found my way into bed. I should mention, I love my bed. It’s soft and yet firm, the way I like it. My pillows are fluffy and firm. My bedroom is as dark as a cave… And, yet… just as I was getting comfortable… IT STARTED!
What was “IT”, you ask? The latest energy download. For some horrific reason, these things always happen to me when I think I’m going to sleep. If you’re familiar with the major chakra system, you know that there’s the 7 main ones in the body and the 8th connects us with the universe. Well, it was a full-court press last night. As I lay in bed, my entire chakra system opened up, my kundalini went ablaze, and all my minor chakras (feet, hands, etc) opened as well. And, everyone of them was spinning really fast! It was if someone flipped a switch within me and all systems readied themselves to take on a huge energetic download from the cosmos. To say it was uncomfortable would be a profound understatement…. It was utterly upsetting, as it only made me more exhausted. I felt very sorry for my mind, as she was screaming within me, “What the hell is going on?!! What is this?! What is going on the universe that they’d give us so much at once?! I don’t know if we can do this! Wait… this is too much! I can’t breathe!!!” In these moments, it’s helpful to know your mind for the beautiful tool it is. I sent my mind to the beach, to lay in a hammock. I created this space a long time ago in order to give my mind a space to go chill in. And, when it goes there, I instantly calm down a bit. But, there was the problem of breathing, no matter how hard I tried to take a deep breath… I couldn’t catch one. And, no matter what position I chose to find comfort…it wasn’t happening. And, then it got worse….
My kundalini has my body feeling like an inferno, and the chakras are making me feel like I am made of a myraid of whirlpools… suddenly, I was hearing and feeling everything and everyone thinking about me. I could feel my near and dears so clearly, that it made me even more uncomfortable. Some were unhappy, that one is wondering if I’m still up. Their guides, wanting me to know that so-and-so is making progress, or, that this one could use a bit more guidance, “But, we’re working with them, Monica… wer’e working. Things are progressing…” Sure, I could’ve screamed and cried, but, it wouldn’t have helped–not to mention, that stuff requires energies that I really didn’t have at the moment. So, I just kept breathing as best as I could… which was at this point more like a panting dog– you do what you can, when you can people!
At some point, I started to see a vision… It was of a woman squatting down by a river… she was wearing a linen dress, and gold, elaborate head jewelry, with wings… And, I knew… she was me. I was remembering a past life… Eygpt to be exact, and heard very clearly… “Isis!”. I knew it was the time where I was a preistess in Philae. If you know nothing about Philae, it was where the temple of Isis was built, and where those who part of that priesthood lived and studied. I had known this all before, but, never had this time come in so clear. And, then, I heard “Hecate”. And, I knew this was about Goddess energy… As some of you know the Goddess has been making her way back for some time now to help balance the energies here. And, somehow, this was an reawakening for me to remember things once lost from my memory. What? lol… I don’t know… yet. But, that doesn’t matter, as the energy was reawakened, along with the new energy given… Of course, this is my journey, so I don’t have to go into too much detail, I only share what I do, so that when it’s your turn… you’ll know, you’re in the right place, and this abnormal, is very normal!
So, finally I realized…”I’m just not going to sleep tonight… I’m just going to lay here, like I’m sedated, and allow this energetic surgery to take place. Yes, I’m utterly miserable, but, I understand, this is part of transformation.” Mind you, I’m aware that I’m being observed by my normal crew of lightbeings and angels that surround my bed every night. And, yes, they did what they could to help, but, there’s only so much the light can do, when an I AM is in a state of transformation. In that way, we are alone as the choice to continue is an individual one. Finally… my dear, Adamus St. Germain said to me… “Go eat some chocolate, you’ll feel better.” If you’re not familiar with him, you’d probably find this strange, but, I didn’t. And, I didn’t argue with him either. I just dragged my very weary body out of the bed and made my way to the refrigerator. I didn’t bother turning on any lights… My eyes couldn’t bare it. I stumbled from tired muscles, that threatened to drop me… And, found my refrigerator. I had about four pieces of chocolate. And, while it tasted good…it was more like medicine than anything else. I went back to bed…and, then everything begain to slow down… The energy calmed…the spinning slowed to a pace I could deal with… My breathing evened out… I can’t tell you when, but, I went to sleep. Hallelujah!
Ascension…It’s a journey that has no true instructions, only that you trust yourself. There’s always going to be curve balls being thrown at you. And, you’re always adjusting, tranforming, transmuting. So why do it?? For me the answer is simple: I understand…it’s the true reality of why I came here. Spirit is the truth, everything else… Well, I’ll let you figure it out for yourself. 😉 Namaste.
Love Peace Happiness N One,