Dear Lancelot,
Please refrain from saving Gwen, she’s a big fat liar. In fact, all versions of her are. Women, don’t need to be saved, they need to learn to be assertive. I know this might make you feel useless being a “hero” and all. But, you have your own issues to deal with.
First, what’s up with you having an affair with your best friend’s wife? Were there no other women in the court, with whom you could have intimiate relations with? I’m not an advocate of the “Bros before Ho(s)” mentality. But, I do think you should honor your relationship with Arthur enough to refrain.
I know this isn’t all your fault. I’m going to talk to Guinevere about this helpless chick aka “Damsel in distresss” act she’s been doing. It’s really shameful, not to mention a complete lie. All women are capable of wearing heels and swinging their own swords. They are able to take care of themselves, and though a lot of them enjoy having you “heroes” around, you aren’t a necessity for survial. Much like a beautiful purse to compliment an outfit, you men are there to compliment the woman, not complete her. Yes, I know she pretends to “need” you. It’s a trap homey, don’t believe the hype. The more you fall for it, the needier you both become, and then the whole thing becomes an amusing farce–to everyone but, you that is.
It is my opinion that you deserve to discover who you are without the armor, swords, and the need to save women. I mean, who are you??? Is there life beyond being a “hero”? What do you do when  you’re not saving something, or someone? Do you know how to do anything other than fight, is my question. Do you know how to chill? Can you cook? Do you like long walks on the countryside just for the heck of it? I think you warrior types get stuck into one role, and have a hard time relating to people when they aren’t needing you to save them.
It’s truly sad that Gunivere and her type have used this “save me!” act to manipulate you guys. I don’t think it’s done much for the relationship between the masculine and feminine, except cause uncessary confusion. And, it’s even sadder that people have been playing out these roles ever since you guys were kicking it in Camelot. So, do me a favor, actually do us all a favor. Stop! Yes, just stop it! No more saving anyone but, you. And, let Gunivere take care of herself. I mean, if her mother could teach her how to pretend to be helpless, surly she taught her how to take care of herself in general. —Ah, that never occurred to you did, it? Yep…I didn’t think so.
Lancelot, I hope you remove your armor, and learn to contemplate life though a blade grass, rather than one of iron. I’m thinking it’d make you more happy and less angry. And, perhaps…you’ll live a longer, and fuller life. Please just give it some thought.
Love Peace Happiness N One,

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