So, just when I had plan to go check out some music tonight… I was on call. I’m intuitive… so, I expected to see the person I just hung with… But, not this soon nor to this degree… But, this conversation needed to be had. And, I’m glad I could be around for it. And, I’ll have check out Urban Sun on another day. I need to see some live music…it’s been too long!
So, the subject: Comfort zones. A comfort zone is an uhealthy place to confine oneself. There is a huge difference between being comfortable with oneself, and being stuck in a comfort zone. Being comfortable with yourself means you can be you without feeling self-conscious, without needing validation from outside yourself, without judgement. It is freedom.
A comfort zone’s construction is usually made up of illusions. The illusion that you’re okay, when you aren’t. The illusion that you behave in a way that is pleasing to others, but, doesn’t reflect your true feelings. The illusion that you are a lot more malleable, flexible, and flow with change when it comes to you. But, you hope to god it never will.
I am watching a very sad trend in relationships that has either always existed and I didn’t know, or has just reached epedemic proportions. And, that is, people not understanding that in order to have any relationship of any sort, you must leave your comfort zone! And, not doing so not only robs you of other people, it robs you of yourself! How do you know what your full capabilities as a person are if you never move beyond what you only “think” you know about yourself?
If I was oppossed to trying sushi, I’d never know how much I really love it! If I never plucked my eyebrows… I’d never be able to create the artistry I do when I apply my own makeup! If I wanted to be comfortable, I never would’ve left NC and moved to NYC. And, that was a life-changing decision! Once upon a time, a guy I dated explained to me the necessity of being vulnerable in a relationship. He made me understand that without coming out of my comfort zone that he and I could never reach the depths of our relationship that we eventually did. He was truly right… I had to either put it all on the line, or we couldn’t go any further… I married that dude. And, when you’re married, the practice of coming out of your comfort zone becomes commonplace. And, you have to make that choice over and over.
It’s funny, we all want the big pay off. We want the deep loving relationships. We want to be loveable and loved. We want the job, the working relationships, we want success. But, we don’t want to put anything on the line! So, what happens? When things get deep, people break out! When the situation calls for you to give a little bit more… people choke, they simply cannot close the deal. And, then, they go onto the next thing, to start all over again. A guy I know refers to this as arrested development, he’s right. But, the officer and the victim are the same person. And, that’s gotta give us pause people.
Like I said, moving to NYC almost 14yrs ago changed the landscape of my life forever! I simply could not have had the same life in NC. There’s no way. But, in order for me to have this life, I had to leave everything and everyone I knew. It was a gamble worth taking. I’d do it all over again. And, trust me there were some close calls, but, again the pay off is endless! Shouldn’t our relationships be the same?
I’m a type-A… I know I keep reminding you, but, my point is, we’re sensitive about time, we don’t like to waste it. If I’m in a relationship, it’s because its where I really want to be, and the type of relationship doesn’t matter. If I’m in… I’m all in. And, I won’t lie to you, if you’re in a relationship with me–and, the type of relationship is irrelevant– I expect you to be all in too! Otherwise, you’re gonna hear from me. I feel if I’m attached to it–if it bears my name, my resembalance, my energy in anyway… it’s money in the bank, count on it, collect interest. So, if I cannot expect the same in return… I’m out! All out!
We’re here to grow into the biggest, brightest, best version of ourselves possible. And, that cannot happen in the clutches of your comfort zone. And, while it may seem safe in there, around you… it’s likely that all the things you hold dear are crumbling, and the only way to stop it is to be uncomfortable, until you adapt. And, its sad, but, we humans are a lazy bunch, we’ve convinced ourselves that we cannot adapt, but, history has repeatedly said otherwise. It’s not that we cannot change, we just don’t want to be uncomfortable, even if it doesn’t work, even if ultimately the comfort zone is killing us… some people would rather die, than come out here to the unknown world eagerly awaiting them with the gifts of experiences that will help them become someone they may have never known even existed. We’re in trouble people… we need to wake up… we’ve been hoodwinked, bamboozled…the comfort zone…that’s a coffin! You better ask somebody!
Love Peace Happiness N One.