I barely got away…and I was just a spectator. Listen, I love–love, the real kind. I have no problem with PDA, in fact, I’m an advocate. That being said…I saw something today that made me feel creeped out on the inside. And, what was that??? A needy-woman physically attaching herself to her boyfriend so much, that I actually had to move away from them. In a word…gross!
The New York Subway is filled with poles for you to hold onto if, perchance you do not score a seat. So…why did this woman feel it was necessary to be sooo on top of her man, that the guy had no breathing room, nor ability to have ANY of his own space?! You know that phrase/book/upcoming movie, “He’s just not that into you”? Well, I saw it up close and personal. This guy, though he was standing there allowing this woman to attatch herself like a fourth layer of skin, rarely looked her in the eye, and kept turning his head to just breath fresh air as a opposed to the carbon dioxide she was exhaling. He looked like a fly caught in the web of a black widow. And, all I kept thinking was, “Dude, are you breathing?! ” And, “How long are you gonna take that before you have to push her off you?!” I was standing right next to them, and I HAD to walk away just to get some space of my own. She was like a… wait…she was… she was a VAMPIRE!
Okay, we all know it’s a nice ego monkey-spanking exercise to make our partners feel needed, but, when it crosses the line to where they cannot breathe, or have any space to call their own…it’s just WRONG! And, people who do that, regardless of their sex are NOT HEALTHY! In fact, they are EMPTY, desperately seeking to fill their void with something, or someone. And, eventually, these types of people end up alone. Neediness isn’t sexy! It’s sad, because the truth is no one should be needed, they should be wanted. And, there’s a major difference between the two. And, if you’ve ever been in a co-dependent relationship, then you know exactly what I’m talking about.
At first, it’s kind of nice that the person wants to be with you that much, but, then something happens where you start feeling like this person cannot exist without you. And, now, you’re worried, that you must take care of them, because they cannot seem to take care of themselves. And, if you leave, who would take care of them? They NEED YOU for godsake! Um…one word: PRISON! And, if you’re like me…you snap out of it eventually, and run for your LIFE! I’ll tell you the truth–I DON’T WANT TO BE NEEDED! I’m not so insecure that I need to be the center of the universe to my partner. I don’t want to be on a pedestal, I don’t want anyone orbiting around me. I want to be an equal partner! And, here’s another thing… I don’t orbit around people, nor, worship them daily, nor feel that I cannot hold myself up on a subway, without needing to attach myself to my partner! I think this is where people cross the line between lovers and parents. If you want someone to take care of you–you aren’t looking for a romantic partner, you’re looking for a mommy or a daddy. And, most people when they figure that out about you will RUN LIKE HELL, with good reason. If you’re an adult, there’s an assumption that you no longer require your parents to take care of you.
Like I said, I love PDA. I’m very affectionate. There has been this guy in my life that seriously, I cannot be in the same room with–without he and I physically attaching ourselves to one another. It happens without thought, or words most times. In truth, it’s magnetic, and therefore feels absolutely natural. The difference is its a silent agreement. I don’t hang onto him, while his body language says, “Get off me!” Nor, does he do that to me. And, after some time possibly an hour or so, we separate naturally. There’s no neediness energy present. There’s no invisible tentacles flying through the air screaming, “You are mine! You will not leave me! You will take care of me!” I mean there is a sense of belonging, but, I think it comes from a place of knowing, and therefore it comes off as very sweet, not–creepy. I should mention this person and I aren’t seeing eye to eye a few issues, but, none of them have to do with neediness. In fact, I believe the independent-spirit we both share is something we greatly admire about the other. If by some miracle we do share the same space, it’s very obvious it is because we want to be together at the time, not that we need to be.
Love is a freeing experience, it isn’t a prison. And, anyone who thinks it is, hasn’t experienced love, but, neediness. I think anyone who’s been in a co-dependent relationship and survived becomes a bit gun-shy when it comes to love, and could possibly rule it out all together as emotions are huge deal, and relationships are challenging on a good day. But…I’m a big believer in love. If you love yourself most and first, then, you’ll know a vampire when you see one. And, you’ll know a potential partner as well. As per the needy people–seriously…get a grip on both yourself and reality. You’re not gonna die without him, or, her. You’ll just be in pain, but, chances are…you were in pain way before you even met that person.
Love Peace Happiness N One,

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  • I know this is an old post but thank you – was just talking about exactly this syndrome today! A friend was telling me how bad she felt when her loved ones clung on to her and she just felt like pushing them away. I said I had the same problem and that it was because deep inside, you know it’s not about them loving you – it’s about them ‘needing’ you and sucking all your energy from you to benefit themselves. That’s ok sometimes but when it happens constantly, it becomes too much. This is such an issue in my life right now and the fact that I stumbled across this today via another friend’s blog (Lesism) tells me that my instincts are right. There’s no such thing as a ‘coincidence’. Thank you!

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