I’m sitting at the lillypad in total monastary-type quiet. And, I love it. It kinda started yesterday, and has intensified in the past twenty-four hours. I’m on the inside of myself, meditating, chanting and breathing. And, while I may look like my normal “perky”, “spirited” self. I’m not right now. I’m my monk/zen/jedi self.
Today at work, my people’s were worried. I was asked twice by two different people if I was “okay”, because I’m not being my normal bubbly self. Few people know that I can be just as silent as I am talkative. And, apparently, the quiet version of me is as loud as the other one (Which other one??? Don’t ask, there’s too many!). I find it amusing, because when I’m quiet, there’s an intensity to it. I forget that I’m just intense, no matter what I do. Intense = my normal state. My being quiet alarms people, it does. And, well, if it were an angry silence, there would be a cause for alarm. But, this isn’t that silence. This one is the preparation mode to do something big.
I would argue that I’m just going through the same change as the season. In fact, I know that’s what it is. Fall/Autumn will be making its entrance next week, did you know that? I personally, become a bit quieter and reflective in the transistional seasons. The leaves are changing, the days get shorter, and the air is getting cooler. I love fall, because it welcomes us into intimacy. People stick closer to home, they hang out with their near and dears by a roaring fire, and it all becomes about staying warm and cozy. So, honestly, I’m on point. Just like all the other animals, I’m preparing for winter, where I really won’t be moving too much at all. Although, I like hiking in the snow, and that kinda stuff too.
There’s so much going on right now, don’t you think? I mean the global economy, the american president election, and normal everyday dramas. I’m actually grateful that I know how to unplug so well. I’m grateful that I know when to go inside myself and let the rest of the world figure it out for themselves. It’s nice to know that there isn’t an aspect of myself that I find problematic. I find my ability to laugh and cry to be equally important. My ability to be both loving and angry are also necessary. Knowing myself and allowing different layers of me to have center stage is probably the most important lesson I’ve learned in life. I can’t make it right for everyone, I don’t want to. In fact, I am not trying to make it “right” for me either. My goal is to experience life to the fullest. It’s to continue the journey with no regrets. And, so far, so good. I love being as surprised by myself as others are by me. I’m not a finished project yet, and when I am… I’ll no longer need to be here. 😉
Love Peace Happiness N One,