So, while I understand that today is in fact the beginning of a new week. I feel as if I’m just ending last week. Last week was particularly tinged with a bit of darkness and sadness. It’s interesting how things tend to come to me in clusters, I was dealing with situations and people navigating the unknown and the darkness that sometimes accompanies it. I know, I said that I was off-duty, but, some people decided that they needed to reach me anyway… Honestly, I don’t mind so much, just as long as people understand that when I’m tired, I’m more apt to be that much more honest and my words may be spiced with salt rather than sugar. So, hey…I’ll answer the call, but, don’t expect me to be nice about it! LOL I’m good at heart, not necessarily nice. And, when I’m tired, I have even less patience.
The unknown is a place where I’ve become both accustomed and comfortable, even when I’m not– I just go with it. I look at it this way, I’m very aware of the road behind me, I not only walked it, but, my journey has been getting recoreded since the age of 13. That’s when I got my first journal, and sometimes I go back and read about my progress. Therefore, when I know something about myself, I know that my personal principals and truths cannot and will not be compromised. It doesn’t matter to me if that costs me “things”, “people”, or “money”—I don’t really care about stuff like that. I never have, and I’m sure that’s been part of people’s frustration with me. They just cannot figure out the right hoops to get me to jump through. And, well…there aren’t any.
For me, the biggest thing has always been to be comfortable in my own skin. And, that took decades. I’ve always been intense, I’ve always been outspoken, questioned authority, and wanted more. My mom used to say that I thought too highly of myself. Um…nah! She was wrong. Their allowed to be, you know? Parents, don’t have all the answers, never have, never will. I think the best they can do is give you some tools to take care of yourself and navigate the unknown world as best you can. Anything else is all you! I’m an independent thinker, and never really minded going it alone. I assume that if everybody heard the rhythm section in the band that I’m marching to–well, they’d be dancing a lot more!
Mind you, I have done well for myself. I have a very, very , very full life. And, while not everything has always gone according to plan–thank God for that–I am having an awesome time of it. I have gifted myself with an amazing circle of friends, I stop and smell the roses most of the time. And, I always look in the mirror to check in with my soul, to make sure she and I are on point. I know who I am. I know what I’m about, that’s been well-earned and cannot be taken away from me. Sure, I know I live in a society that would prefer I needed their acceptance, or was just insecure enough to be screwed over by them or someone else…that’s just not in the plan. Who’s plan? Well…mine and the creator’s of course, and we are one in the same. I realize that I’m beyond blessed with the knowledge I have, but, it’s not a secret club or anything like that. It’s the result of a lot of hard work. Work that most people are aware needs to be done, but, they lack the courage to perform. If something isn’t quite right with you–it cannot be ignored, or drowned, or buried. It is some part of yourself asking to be heard and then healed. Why wouldn’t you want to do that for yourself? I know, people think it’s odd when I say, “I love myself.” But, I do. There’s no way, I’d allow myself to hurt knowing I held the cure–knowing I had the capacity to heal myself. See… I know that. I KNOW it. And, there’s nothing and no one in any realm that can persuade me to unknow, and anyone that asks doesn’t have my interest at heart anyway. Most likely, they are hiding or distracting themselves from healing their own hurt. In my dream, people would heal the wars within so, there’d be no need to project it out into the world. And, all this nonsense could stop. You know, I know, we all know… once you learn something and then you “know” it–you cannot turn back, as that would make the pain you’ve overcome that much more unbearable to return to. Life is good…no matter what. It’s good and I’m feeling good in it. Where is that Nina Simone track when I need it? Heehee
Love Peace Happiness N One,