As I write this… I’m still shell-shocked. I’ve been in this city for almost 16yrs. And, I’ve lived in some pretty tough neighborhoods, i.e. the South Bronx, specifically, The Hub. And, I’ve done my time going to sleep to gunshots. But…today in Bushwick, BK… Ugh… Today took it to another level. I watched a stranger die today. And, even though I’ve seen too many of loved ones drift away from their bodies one piece at a time by cancer…. Seeing it all end in 45 minutes takes it to a whole other level.
I’m not naieve, I know that people choose to die long before they actually do. But, the final moments… those are the ones we never think about. How did this man’s final moments go down? I’ll tell you what I saw, I saw him trying to run away from some cops, I saw them swarm him to restrain him on the sidewalk. I saw an entire neighborhood keep vigilance as to how the cops treated this man… And, I heard the man yell out something, and a cop telling him (as he had his hand on the man’s neck) to, “Shut the fuck up!” Well, certainly, the man did that. As he lay there with his hands behind his back, face down on the sidewalk, I watched along with my neighborhood… I watched as we all waited for the cops to get him up. Four squad cars and one ambulance later… The guy still lays there. A new ambulance arrives (an FDNY one… Hmm… cover up?) and they put the guy into a bodybag. That simple… That. Simple. Someone told me they saw one of the cops wiping tears from his eyes… perhaps it was the one who told him to shut up. I don’t know…
What I do know, is that this guy was probably both a drug user and a dealer. I imagine he died of heart failure. And, I recall them checking for a pulse a few times, as I kept asking myself , “Omigod, did they kill him?” The answer is yes and no. Living a lifestyle where you are slowly killing yourself cannot make an officer doing their job a murderer. Yet, ignoring the signs of a life slipping away doesn’t render the officers (all 20 of them) innocent, either.
Why??? Why do we take life for granted? Why do we assume they’ll be another day, another moment, another breath to get it right? Why do things have to become extreme to give us pause? And, why do we give up on ourselves so easily? Why do we give up on life so easily? Why do we accept the idea that we just cannot do anymore, can’t get any better, can’t love more, can’t be more?! WHY?!!!!! I can’t say what that man was thinking with his final breaths… I cannot. But, I know what my intent will be with my final breaths of life… My intent is to say, “Yeah, I’m ready to go, because I DID everything I wanted to do. I LOVED with all of me! And, I LIVED my truth!” So, when my spirit leaves it’s vessel behind… there will be no reason to mourn me, but, reason to celebrate that I made EVERY MOMENT COUNT!
Love Peace Happiness N One,
SunDeevah
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