This–this is where we screw ourselves, this is where we eat away at our self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect. We take other people’s ideas of who we are, and we make them our own. It’s a slow type of suicide of the emotional, psychological, spiritual, and yes, sometimes physical variety.
If you don’t know who you are. If you don’t define yourself for yourself, I can guarantee there’s a lot of people out there ready to do it. And, they don’t always mean well.
Why do we give more credence to what other people think of us, rather than how we think of ourselves? S’up with that?? Really? How can someone who only precieves you through the lenses of their insecurities, self-doubt, self-hatred, and self-deception, tell you who you are? And, why do you internalize this as true?
Well, I’m done with it. I’ve been done for a while, but, just today, I found myself having to take a moment and remove myself from this chaotic shit-storm started by an executive that “pooh-poohs” on everyone’s work but, their own. Their childish temper tantrum had my boss questioning his competence, and then putting pressure on me. I would like to take this time to say, I’m the same no matter where I am. So, knowing that my work ethic is very high, I knew that this crap was being blown out of proportion. But, here’s the thing, people are so insecure about themselves, they’ll deflect onto you just to feel better. And, if you don’t watch sharp, you’ll take on their insecurity, and conjure your own to add to it.
I’ve seen people in all types of situations and relationships question themeselves to nasuem over what someone else said. “I said that wrong… I did that wrong… I’m not any good… I suck… I’m a loser… I’m a…” And, that’s just crap! A lot of times, people are deflecting, their saving their own ass, ego, jobs, personas…etc. And, if you don’t speak up for yourself, they will run over you.
For example: I am a strong personality. And, perhaps within the last decade give or take a few years, people really wanted to make me feel bad about that. But, what I’ve noticed is that, those that are critical of my personality are NEVER as HAPPY as I am. Hmm??? Why? Oh maybe because when you’re pretending to be someone for those outside of you–you have to lie to yourself about who you really are. And, then, it creates an internal war within your soul. And, whose fault is that?? Can I blame everyone who’s ever said to me, “You talk too much, too loud, too dramatic, too…”??? No…I’m to blame because A. I’ve obviously been surrounding myself with self-conscious idiots. B. I didn’t realize they were trying to hide the fact that they were jealous that I am my authentic self–without apology or permisson.
So, when someone is telling you that you “Shouldn’t… Aren’t supposed to… Too much…”, or, whatever sad little criticism they have. Check yourself. Is what they are saying really true? Or, are they projecting their crap onto you? Because most times… It’s ain’t me… It’s YOU!
Love Peace Happiness N One,