It’s been a whirlwind of energies as of late. And, I’ve been quiet because sometimes, there’s no defining what’s happening. All you know is that something is happening. Mainly… you’re changing, the world around you is changing and your perception of almost everything is changing.
What I’ve made peace with lately is somewhat difficult for us to do–releasing relationships and people that aren’t adding to your life experience. And, in this new time, I’m finding it easier. The reason is, I am not making my decisions based on ego, but, on spiritual discernment. Normally, when you’re disagreeing with someone you feel that they are wrong, and you’re right. Someone has to lose and someone has to win. What if… it didn’t matter? What if, winning meant you had peace of mind, space to be yourself, to breathe and to be free. What if winning meant, releasing that relationship? And, what if losing meant, squeezing your breath into the corners of socially acceptable behavior? Or, losing meant agonizing that you cannot seem to be yourself around certain people, or that you had to play hop-scotch on eggshells? What if losing meant, you lost you in order to win them?
I’m a true winner, because I’ve won me. I don’t know if you understand this, but, that is the point of life. You’re here to experience your life, to create it, to live it, to love it, to hate it, to be in it… When you make someone else the focus of your life, you’re giving away yourself–your relationship with yourself, your friendship with yourself, and the love you have for yourself. You are losing you, to win someone else. And, the truth is, that someone else has the same choices as you. The truth is—self-sacrifice isn’t necessary to have a healthy relationship with someone else. Sacrifice isn’t necessary at all in love. Love is freeing, it isn’t binding, it isn’t controlling, it doesn’t have the ultimatums of another. It just is. Ego on the other hand… Well, if you see an obstacle course in front of you–and, you call it a friendship, or a relationship of any type… you’re not in the land of love… you’re in the land of ego.
I think anyone who consciously pursues a life lead by their decision to be fully whole, is going to come to the conclusion that some relationships simply cannot be. When you are fully aware of who you are, why you do what you do, what you will deal with, what you won’t–you don’t have much energy for placating, game-playing, niceties, or appeasing the socially acceptable responses that promise to make you fit in. You get tired… you get frustrated, and you realize… it’s not worth the effort. The difference between life lived in consciousness, is that you’re not interested in blaming anyone. You have no problem saying, “No, that’s not okay. And, no, I’m not compromising my peace of mind for you. If you need to leave, I understand… please go.” In this place of awareness and authenticity… you simply don’t care about anything other than telling and living the truth. Anything beyond that becomes too much for you to bare.
Another thing that has developed during this time, is my love affair with being alone. Once upon a time, when spiritual pursuits exclusively involved mystery schools, monasteries, etc… Initiates would be thrust-ed into solitude… Whether it be spending time on a mountain alone, going on some sort of pilgrimage or vision quest. Now, spending time alone becomes this addictive luxury. Being alone with your thoughts, your changing DNA, your changing thought forms, just concentrating on breath and allowing… It becomes the new sexy. The lack of sound becomes a lullaby. What used to be anxiety-inducing thoughts of “Oh God, what if I’m alone?!” Becomes, “Oh, thank God, I’m alone! Yay!” In these times, is when you become grateful for the solitude to be, and become more of yourself. In these times, you become comfortable with the idea that all you need is you, and that’s all you’ve ever needed, or will need.
Every once in a while, I get critcized for being my true self, for using my voice, for being honest without being polite. It’s to be expected… But, what I’ve found is, a lot of people find it easier to play victim to my so-called ” judgemental” attitude. The problem is this: I’ve not attacked anyone. I’ve not said that you MUST, you WILL, or you’d BETTER to anyone. I’ve simply stated that I am not a doormat, I am not stupid, and I will not lose me, to win them. And, there it is… the ego in its victim-hood. It must be the victim, because otherwise it would have to admit to be the perpertratior. It would have to admit, it is behaving selfishly, and like a spoiled child. I, am no longer interested in whether or not people figure this out about themselves, as it’s not my responsibility, I am no longer invested on any level. Do you understand how freeing that is? Whatever your issue, your hang-up, your problem is–its yours, not mine, and I don’t care anymore.
Ascension is a process… thank goodness for that too, as every aspect of your life and yourself is brought into light to be examined, to be healed and to be understood. It is the most important adventure of your life… the journey to becoming yourself far beyond your mundane imaginings. And, just like the planet, or good food, it takes time, it takes a great amount of effort…it takes the deconstruction, and sometimes the destruction of what you thought, what you were, to become what you feel, and what you’ll become. There’s a reason why many aren’t doing this, there’s a reason why it is the silent whisper on its way to a roar. It’s because this path begins and ends within each individual brave enough to answer the call of their divine. There’s no map, there’s no trail that isn’t written, walked, created or developed by you. And, while you will have the complete support of the universe in both subtle and obvious ways, while many souls will gather to aid and guide you–your path is yours to walk alone.
So…that’s where I am, where we all are…whether we are aware or not. We’re on our way to remembering our own greatness, and how we are an intricate, critical piece of all that there is. Create the path that serves you best, and if it does not, create another…your limits are figment of your imagination, you cannot get this wrong, no matter what. 😉
Love Peace Happiness N One,