I have to be honest… I never know when I’m going to blog. Though I consider myself an avid talker, I never truly know when I’m going to share the conversations I’m having with myself in my head, or those I have with my crew. I just never know… And, I like it that way. I’m resentful of regimented writing. I’m writing a book, and I’m being disciplined in writing it from the stand point of–only when I’m ready to speak. I don’t force myself to write, I don’t have a set schedule… I’m writing about me. Either you’ll be interested, or you won’t. But, it’s important to me that whatever I share is organic, unforced, and it flows.
This year… wow, we’re not even six months in, and so much has happened. I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve just been soaking up energy. And, energy doesn’t always formulate words right away. The energy that I’ve been soaking in is my own I AM. And, I’ve been experiencing it like great beautiful waves that surround me as I drift off to sleep at night. There I am, lying in the dark being sung a lullaby of “I AM that I AM.” It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before, as it really does feel like I’m engulfed in it. I am completely surrounded by the sound, the vibration, the song, the color of my own I AM. It’s coming in more than before, and I always feel like I’m being comforted, nurtured, and encouraged by my own highest, most beautiful, God-self. What’s so lovely is that I really don’t think about what is happening… I just feel into it, and go to sleep. That’s a huge thing, as it means that my mind–she is finally at peace with her job of being a tool, a means of intellectual understanding. But, when things happen on a level beyond her understanding… she waits. She waits until the understanding comes. And, it always does.
I don’t think I can emphasize enough that I, like every other lightworker and souled being, am on my personal journey– there is no destination . And, while I acknowledge that I am in the midst of my own Masterhood–I also understand that this in itself is a journey, that there’s much more to create and learn. I’ve come to accept that relationships, all relationships will change, some will grow closer to me, some will grow away. And, all is appropriate. I have changed, how I see things have changed, how I experience the world has changed. I don’t always readily understand it, but, I will always allow it. What’s the recourse, hurting my brain trying to make sense of it? Hurting myself emotionally by trying to resist change? Slow it down, so that I can feel caught up? So that I feel like I have some control over it? Yeah, uh… no! Why no? Simple: I tried that before, it’s a time I like to call… my 20’s. And, it was a beautiful, self-inflicted hell… And, I will never do that again! Go with the flow, follow your highest self… trust yourself, you cannot fail. Life is an adventure–these aren’t just pretty words. I know these things for sure. I’ve lived these things. And, I live those things!
What’s also new is that my crew has become more silent than ever! Yes… they’ve gone quiet. Quiet, shouldn’t be confused with having disappeared. I have been experiencing a very beautiful, silent observation of my light crew. The angels, spirit guides, and ascended masters that use to chatter away at me, have gone strangely silent. When I first realized it–it was quiet unnerving. I’ve never been in a space where I know the room is full, but, no one is talking. So, why? Why is everyone watching, but, not saying anything? Ah… therein lies the wisdom. Because, I AM the Master of Monica now–I no longer require constant prodding, opinions or guidance. It seems that my knowing I’m a Master isn’t my knowning alone. It’s part of my vibrational energy, it’s part of my walk, my voice, my breathing–it’s me. And, unless I get way off course, correction… Unless, I choose to go way off course–the light crew doesn’t need to run interference, or guide like before. I not only say that I trust myself with myself–I’m doing it. I’m flying… no net, and I’m not nose-diving to the earth… Holy shit… I’m doing it! Hahahaha!
It’s quiet the experience to look at the world from my eyes and have two experiences at once. There is one side of me that is so emotionally detached from things that I look at a situation and feel it from afar. Why are certain things necessary? Why must we experience so much pain before we choose peace? Why do people like to pretend that they don’t feel things that they do? Why do people claim they want happiness, but, ignore the screaming of their own selves that require healing? There’s no happiness in avoidance. Peace doesn’t happen to other people, we cannot create other people’s peace! We cannot feel whole, without embracing our darkness as well as our light. I’ve gotten to the point where I shake my head and wonder… And, I imagine that is what my crew has done, with me over the course of my lifetimes. I see and feel these things, but, am no longer affected–they aren’t mine, they don’t belong to my I AM. But, then… then, there is the human aspect of me… She still gets outraged, angry, disappointed, and feels hurt on the behalf of others. Yeah, I’m still human, but–it’s not all of who I am. So, the change is not feeling overwhelmed by the human aspect–not allowing my emotional reactions to life in all it’s beautiful, horrible, lovely, fragility to control me. When any aspect of ourselves, when any of our human tools, the mind, our emotions, pain… when they aren’t being utilized as expression for our I AM–they can make life very dramatic, to say the least. And, that’s why we are constantly being prodded, pulled, bothered, guided and asked to be conscious. Without knowledge of the whole of ourselves, without owning, taking and using the power of choice and creation that we came here with. Life can be… well… what we’ve all experienced. Which is not to say, all of what we’ve experienced is all there is. 😉
Another thing I’ve come to understand is abundance. Abundance has gotten lost and misinterpreted to mean money. And, that’s not what it is. Abundance is the energy available to us to use how we choose. And, it’s always there. That information came to me during one of my I AM lullabies. Abundance can be everything to time, energy, opportunity, experiences, food, laughter, and yes… money too. It’s always there, and I believe always has been… we have just been too wrapped up in the “humanity of it all” to notice. We have been taught that the haves and the have-nots answered the questions of abundance. And, it’s not true. As you all know there are those with less, who are most happiest, and then there are those with “Mo money, mo problems.” Hahaha… So, it can’t be about the stuff. It must be something else. Abundance… could it be the energy available for us to express, and experience our lives as we consciously choose? Is it truly instantaneous, but, does have to make a trip from our imaginations, to the ether, and to this physical density? And, being impatiently human, we discard the idea of abundance, because it doesn’t “seem” instantaneous. Yet, I’ve seen and experience that truly… All is well in all of creation, no matter what my chatty, bratty, impatient mind has said before. I know that when I work with energy as opposed to attempting to control it–things work in my highest good. Many years ago, I was given the acronym of P.A.R. Prepare. Allow. Receive. It had to have been ten years ago at this point. But, it’s still very accurate. Prepare yourself for abundance–and, that’s no simple feat. A lot of us self-sabotage to the point, we don’t even know we’re doing it! Allow. Nope…don’t control it, don’t tell it how to come to you—get our of your own friggin way–yes, you are worthy! Receive. Yes, you deserve it–no, it wasn’t a mistake, this is for you! Just say, “thank you!” damn it, and move forward!
So…this is where I am these days… It’s not a concrete world–it never was. It’s not something I can stick into a test tube, or petri dish and analyze into infinity. And, no, it never shows up in the same way twice. But, the wisdom comes, the understanding sets in, and the abundance flows. This is what makes life so magical. When you’re all here, all in, and all committed to yourself and your life experience… You change, and so does the entire world for you.
Wherever you are in your own personal journey of awakening, and mastering… Keep going… there’s so much more to see, experience and be!
Love Peace Happiness N One,