He gave me pause… the one you’ve been wondering about, the one that could make a woman like myself take notice, care, and work on being a bit better.
Oh yeah, he does exist. I’m his favorite song, his guilty pleasure, and yet, like the rest he finds himself quivering in my presence, unsure, of his ability to do the task at hand. And, when in doubt he causes chaos, and screams ego and insecurity just like all the “normal” men. Nah, guys, not men-bashing… I happen to love them…when I meet them.
And, he tests me, my strength, my courage, my loyalty to family and friendship, to myself. And, like all the “normal ones”, he lost me! LOL… I laugh because I am sorry, for those who only know war when it is both unecessary, and a stratedgy I am most familar with. It is not about WINNING… there is no winning in “us” when someone has lost. Eh…but, I have grown tired. I’ve grown bored with the insecurities of the human being. I am dis-interested in winning, when I know there is no such thing if someone walks away empty-handed. Just… go. No, seriously…bounce. I have no time for false bravado, manipulaltion, bullshit machismo (I’ve never been a fan.).
You wonder who he was, what he’s like? Oh…he is magnificent! He is one of the most intriguing, inspiring, gorgeous souls I’ve ever known. But, he is also one of the most insecure, most grey, most haunted. And, I’m empty of patience. I have to admit, I don’t feel sorry for those who choose ego and accolades over what makes them happy and peaceful. Come on man, you know what you’re doing. I am here to compliment you, I’m not here to complete you. I am here to enhance your life, not to be a tool in building it. Dumbass! Too bad… I love him…I hope for him… But, you know what? Way-showers light your paths, we don’t walk them for you. Sigh…
Admirers, I appreciate you, I am grateful of your noticing my spirit, even if you only recognize it as my smile, my eyes, my ass…. But, I am not for the faint of heart, the confused, the fearful, the children pretending to be men. It has been said more than once that I make men, and everyone else, gets crushed. How I wish I could deny this… I cannot. I will not, and I do not.
It has also been said, that I mother, I nurture, I chastize…Yeah, that’s true too. I will hold you accountable for your actions, I do not make it easy–it isn’t, why lie? And, I will only accept your best. If you don’t have that…don’t bother. And, yes, I will be an energy that will leave you changed. And, NO, I will not appologize for it. So, I’m slicker than your average, smarter than some, and more confident than most. It’s been well-earned. And, I totally realize that MOST underestimate me. How easy you make my job…thanks.
My love, my life??? Are, my family, my friends, MYSELF. I honor my code, I believe in the law of one, and I look at myself everyday and am pleased with my reflection. Yes, people, every-freaking-day! I don’t go with the flow… I create it. I don’t work for your affections, and validation, but, my own. All the bags of tricks ever involved in any relationship known to us all, the games, the manipulation, etc… for me…equals insecurity. You’ve got the wrong one…hon… I can see you, I can smell it, and I can’t help but to call it out. Onward, and let the chips fall on those who earned them. It’s not personal, it’s universal law, and it rules all. Regardless of if you honor it. 😉 Ah….love, a most wonderous excursion…
Love Peace Happiness N One,