Happy Cinco de Mayo!!!! Liberation all around! Had some margaritas and some fried ice cream today, and oddly enough, my very mexican-dipped neighborhood is awfully quiet… I think it has something to do with the over-zealous law enforcement. I miss hearing the marriachi’s ….
So, today has been gorgeous in so many ways… the weather was gorgeous… and transformation is all around. Change is plentiful and has come to speak and will not be ignored. And, that includes myself. My beloved Azure died last week, and with him he brought the end of an era of my life. That was me as a married woman, and as someone’s significant other. His death was a just shy of a week after someone I love got his pink slip. And, you know what??? I’m good with all of it. Why? Because it’s time for me to transition forward. And, I’ve chosen to go with it, rather than resist.
For all of you who think that I’m opinionated, strong-willed, and possibly a little weird now– well… it’s about to get worse. And, honestly…not only do I not care, what other people’s views of me are…I’m looking foward to becoming the woman I see in my dreams. And, I thank the universe in supporting me and reminding me, even when I forget.
I read tarot, and gave myself an awesome reading today, at the encouragement of those who guide me. It was so on point, that I giggled through most of it. I’m growing, and I love growth as without it, I’d surely move closer to death than life. I am becoming someone who enjoys themselves most of the time. [Is it weird that I was dancing through the aisles of Duane Reade with my best friend when “Hips don’t lie was playing”? People looked at me like it was weird… I’m happy, is that a crime?)] I have no apologies for anyone as to who I am, and how I approach my life. And, I spend most of my time treating people the way I’d like to be treated. And, I speak and live my truth. In short, I’m enjoying the kind of personal freedom that no one ever told me existed, but, I’ve always known was there. I am without fear. Now, I don’t expect everyone to know what I’m talking about, but, I do… and that’s all that matters.
The world has become brand new, and I in it. And, I’m really excited. I realized even more today that happiness–true happiness is a person’s best asset in being attractive. Regardless of whether or not we are happy ourselves, we alway recognize it in others. And, we either want to figure out how to get it for ourselves, or we want to stamp it out, so we don’t have to be reminded of how miserable we all are. Word to the wise…if you were thinking about messing with my happiness…I’d like to remind you that I have no problem protecting it or myself. 
With this transistion I realized that some relationships will be ending… and I’m at peace with that. Some people don’t want to change, to grow, and by all means…don’t if you don’t want to. But, it does mean that I’ve gotta leave you. I’m not staying in a place where there is stagnation, or lack of growth. If that means we must part ways then, I’m game. I’m constantly underestimated. People think that because I love so well, so honestly, so deeply that I cannot ever leave a toxic situation, or person. I assure you… I can. Before I leave, I will give you and the situation every opprotunity to come with me, but, if you do not… I’m not slowing my row–not for anyone. Maybe people don’t understand that change and transistion means life, and lack of change and transistion means death. But, I do. And, I’m responsible and obligated to myself and the universe first and all of you…second.
Those I had to leave… I still love you–but, I question whether or not you love yourselves. It’s sad how some people can give so much energy to someone or something else, and yet treat themselves, with so little love. I’ve never gotten that–I never will. Happiness is a birthrite—as is love. And, when you do not have either, you will always be searching for it. Even if you deny it, there will always be apart of you who wants it– I suspect its in the DNA. Yet, people choose fear, and comfort it rather than what will help them grow. Therefore choosing their deaths, rather than their lives. Odd, huh?
I have to be honest, I don’t mind walking my path alone. I just need to be honest and live honestly. A lot of times, it does seem you are walking alone. The truth of the matter is…it’s impossible–its impossible to be alone. It’s just something we tell ourselves so we can make things seem worse than they are. The world is much larger than we realize…it’s filled with things both seen and unseen. And, we are never alone in it. So, even if it looks like I’m walking this path alone–which, by the way, I have an amazing group of friends and tribe memebers to make sure I don’t– I walk with many. I always have, I always will.
Love Peace Happiness N One,
SunDeevah
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