The B Sides: Light Casts Shadows
Let’s be clear on something shall we? We are spiritual beings having a human experience… I repeat we are having a HUMAN EXPERIENCE. I’m stressing this aspect because over the course of my lifetime, I’ve repeatedly seen this false narrative, this false identity of people behaving like experts, or authorities on things as means to hide their deeply, sometimes unconscious insecurities. I remember many times in my life, so called adults, teachers, and gurus acting toward me with unwarranted hostility. If I questioned them, challenged their knowledge or accidentally triggered one of their unresolved issues–there would be hell to pay. I’ve seen it in groups, workshops, communities, and frankly… I’m sick of it.
Being a lightworker, a starseed, a radiant one, does not mean you get to skip over the trappings, challenges and feelings that come with being human. If you thought that while on the path of ascension, you’d be leaving your “human” behind– you are WRONG. If you thought you could sweep them under the rug, ignore them, or put them on the back burner… you are WRONG. If you thought, you could EVER be in service to yourself, light, your client, or, anyone and not have any access to your human aspect, you are wrong. We are a symphony of energy, we are our own collective, and therefore all instruments are needed, are critical, and the song that is your life will not sound complete without them. There is NO HIDING PLACE when the light seeks you. So, you might as well deal with yourself, your issues, and your challenges.
Let me speak about my own story, shall I? If you’ve been a reader of my work, or seen videos, you know I like real life examples. So, here goes… sometimes, when I see the direction people are taking themselves in life via prediction– I get sad. Now, let me clear on this– I must be attached to my clients enough to relay a message, frame it so they can understand the message, and so they understand I can relate to them, and I have compassion and empathy for them. For me, I am honored every time I am sought out by a client, friend or family member for my advisement, session, or reading. Do you know how many real and fake practitioners there are out there? So, yes– I will always honor the fact that when I’m asked to be Conduit of Healing on someone’s behalf, I am being shown trust and faith to guide someone. Every. Single. Time. And, guess what? We MUST be able to RELATE to one another. And, I’m concerned for anyone who isn’t aware of this.
I have been made sad by self-destructive tendencies in people. But, I also know that each souls has it’s own free will. I honor this more than anything. I do NOT allow myself to follow another person’s journey emotionally, mentally or physically. Oftentimes, after a reading, or, session… I don’t remember anything I’ve said, because I don’t need to. The message isn’t for me. See, there’s a difference between observational attachment, and destructive attachment. While it sounds simple enough– the only way to truly master it, is to work through your own shit, first. You cannot keep your insecurities, childhood trauma, and other destructive habits, and serve others to the best of your ability. You cannot assume a thin veneer of authority and be given it. You cannot read a bunch of books, attend a ton of workshops, while carrying your baggage and then expect to radiate authenticity to those you serve. And, yet… I’ve seen this time and time again. Each time I wonder if these people understand that when you serve light– light will make sure you work through your own shadows, by ANY MEANS NECESSARY. And, to be honest…also means that are seemingly ridiculous as well. Truth is: it’s US that’s being ridiculous– whether its in reaction to fear, insecurity, jealousy, or a secret self-hatred…light WILL FIND it, and people WILL notice. So, yep– humans make me sad. And, then… I move past it, BETTER for it. Truth is: working through PAIN is CRITICAL to gain WISDOM. And, I know–so many people claim to have wisdom, but, the thing about it is this: Wisdom has it’s own vibration, so, it cannot be faked with knowledge as a substitute.
Another thing to be aware of is when you as a practitioner are going through a transformation. In case no one told you– they are messy, they are uncomfortable, sometimes painful. And, they need not involve everyone you know. In fact, it’s best if you learn yourself well enough, to know when you’re going through one, and to have already EARNED the tools to work through them. See? Here’s the truth, if you choose to upgrade: you WILL CRY at some point, you WILL question EVERYTHING about yourself, who you surround yourself with, all of your old BELIEF SYSTEMS. You will contend, contrast, argue with and eventually release old versions of yourself. But, darling… this is what an upgrade is– and evolution means what’s no longer needed DIES, and something new is BORN. While I won’t tell you not to be afraid, I will remind you that you are a SPIRIT first–and, if you center yourself in that aspect, you CAN guide yourself through the necessary changes to make you better for yourself, and those that seek your guidance. And, no– this isn’t really optional. The universe can and often does remove us from things we are a danger to, just as it removes things from us that are danger. The sword is double-edged.
I want to be very clear in that I am very confident in my abilities, my gifts, my ability to articulate a message. I do not seek to be competitive with anyone. I do not belong to any specific group and haven’t in years. And, I haven’t read any books, or, gone to any workshops in years. What I have been doing is transforming, transmuting, consulting spirit, and fine-tuning me. That’s my first line of being Conduit of Healing– making sure the Conduit is as clear as possible so I do not get in the way of my client’s healing. Oh yes… practitioners — doesn’t matter the divination, religion, or teaching situation– often get in the way of their audience receiving a clear, concise and useful message. Yep, I said it– I’ll say it again. Sometimes the message isn’t clear, because the messenger is a hot mess! Personally speaking, I am constantly checking in to make sure that I’m not doing more harm than good– in my practice and in all my relationship. When we are frustrated, lost, or struggling, its easy to fall in the trap of taking it out on someone else, if we have not properly expressed, or addressed the issue. The only thing that separates a practitioner from the average person’s reaction is self-awareness. The only thing that will keep us from acting out is spiritual discipline. I say this as someone who has spent her whole life doing these exact things.
There’s certain conversations I’m no longer willing to have– those that want me to defend myself or prove myself are on the short list. My work, my demeanor, and my life will tell you all you need to know about me. Your choosing to believe it, or, it being enough information to believe it– that has nothing to do with me. I’m no longer going to entertain practitioners, teachers, gurus or anyone who immediately gets defensive when I ask questions about how they came to their conclusion. That’s not my work either. My work is ME. My work isn’t to feed the false hierarchy of needing to be smarter, better, more wise, more knowledgeable or with the most followers or clients. I’ve seen quite a few spiritual “leaders” lose themselves in that space. Whether its the light, or the dark, the A sided, or the B side– this story, my story, my journey will always be about me. And, there’s no way I can clearly see you, the world or anything, without clarity in how I see myself.
Love Peace Happiness N One,
artwork by: Shaitan1985