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As the seasons continue to change, I’m having to cope with my allergies. Yeah, I have the seasonal variety and the yearning to stay in bed a while longer, and um…skip the whole work thing.
I’ve had a busy October, more social than I’ve been in a really long time. And, it was good. I got to hang with my friends, have them hangout in my home and it was amazing…
Upon first meeting me, one might say that I’m an extrovert, and well, that would be true. But, I’m also deeply introverted. I think… a lot. I reflect, even more than that, and when I’m done with those two…I analyze. Not many people know this, but, I minored in sociology in college. I’m fascinated by the behavior of humans, animals and well…pretty much everything in general. My favorite subject to study is me. I mean, it’s the closest, most effective one I know so…why not?
I’m frustrated with society. I truly am and I think that’s why I just don’t hang out there as much as I used to. I’m tired of the lie that everyone’s agreed to live. You know the one that says, we’re all having the time of our lives when we aren’t. The one that says change will go beyond our gripes and complaints, with absolutely no effort from us??? Yeah, cause that’s the laws of physics at work. When I get on the subway to go to and from work, I look at people and you know what??? They’re bored, they’re empty–empty of passion, of meaning, of…themselves. And, its like watching a parade of corpses with no particular places to go.
I can now understand why John and Yoko had the bed-in. All they were saying is give peace a chance. The only problem with that is, they didn’t specify that it needed to start with the individual. Which, is a lot more work than most people want to do. And, thus…surrounded by walking, talking, breathing, corpses.
I’ve come to think that all the great thinkers thought all the passion, joy and love right out of life. I mean, you have these people that obsess with and live by the ideas of men long dead, with their theories of life, of why we do what we do and what the meaning all of it is. And, I’m sorry, but, I really don’t care what anyone thinks about life in theory, especially if they became an android version of a human, and go on to spread the idea that the brain is the essence of who I am, and any beauty it experiences can be explained away, and I’m left as a hollow shell of a person. Sigmund Freud…he was discontented, I am not. I think of him as all brains, no soul. Which wouldn’t have mattered to him anyway, I’m a woman, and black, he’d just write me off as inferior. See…misery can come with a lot of academic accolades, prizes, awards, respect and money. Yet, still be one big empty! — No thanks, I’ll take a double-dali lama, thank you! Where just breathing is something to be celebrated. 😉
How interesting people are in their pursuit of happiness outside of themselves, as if it can be found out there. How sad is it that they think love is outside themselves too–tragic even. If fulfillment could be found in your ideal job, with the ideal mate, and a lot of material goods, what happens when you achieve all these things? Yeah…you still feel empty, because what’s missing is YOU. So…what am I missing right now??? Um…sleep. Heehee
Oh…the silence in my home??? That’s me. I am my own silence, my own peace, my own happiness. And, home is where I am. 
Love Peace Happiness N One,
SunDeevah