Okay…so, occassionally, I’m stubborn. Okay…let’s try that again… A lot of times, I choose to be stubborn. See? Growth…that’s how it works. By first telling the truth to yourself.
I’ve been a bbbbaaadddd gir! LOL! I have been refusing to see, to realize, to accept that well… Gosh darn it, I’m a bit of a gypsy, a nomad, a wanderer… And, I’ve just decided to stop being a brat about it and accept it. It’s not that I change homes a lot, because I don’t. Or, people…I don’t do that either. It’s not a monogomy thing, I’m pretty excellent at that. It’s work. I AM NOT A CORPORATE LIFER! There I said it… I feel better! –Lighter somehow! LMAO!
I’ve been working in Corporate America for over ten years at this point, and still–still I look around sometimes, silently chanting to myself , “Don’t climb the walls, don’t jump out the window!” It’s a matter of discpline to show up to an office on a daily basis for me. Especially if the office isn’t mine. I am not a worker bee. I do not have worker bee mentality. Therefore, I have not committed myself to any job since 2003, and even then, that was when I was a makeup artist, which is creative, so…I could do it for a few years.
I knew at 5 I’d be an actor. Actors are entrepreneurs, or consultants if you will. We are nomads. Actually most artist are. The great thing about live theatre is, you’re never going to get the same performance every night. The great thing about film is that there’s a million takes, before you wrap up that baby, and a shitload of editing before final cut. So, for me… variety truly is the spice of life.
I find that it’s not the gig in corporate america that I want so much. I just want their money. The money and the knowledge. After that…yeah um…they can keep it. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that the next permanent job in an office I have will be mine. My office, my companies…mine, mine, MINE! I work too hard for others, and truth be told I do okay, but, you know what? It’s still isn’t enough to produce a film with, or open a lingerie boutique with, so you know what??? I’M STILL UNDERPAID! LOL
I’m in between gigs today, and it’s amazing to me the sychronicity at work. There’s this amazing writer/director that I know. He and I always run into eachother once a year. I ran into him today, and he gave me some information that’s going to help me get ManChild made. The fundraiser is Saturday, and because all I can think about is making sure things get done, I wasn’t getting excited. In one conversation, in the park on a day not in the office… the world shifted! And, now I am excited and grateful for the opprotunity to have this fundraiser, and to make this film all over again. Is what I’m doing safe? Being an artist and a businesswoman all rolled into one? Hell no. It isnt’ safe, but, job safety in America is a fallacy these days. Not to mention boring as hell.
So, I want to thank all those people who thought I was an amazing interviewee, who found my resume “impressive”, and found me “impressive” and intimidating… I want to thank you all for NOT hiring me! When I came to accept the truth, which is, I’m a leader, a creator, a business owner…I got a cookie, in the form of my friend who’s not only doing his thing in theatre and film, but, is about to have his first broadway showing! That is some damn cookie! I think I will take small bites of it, and chew them slowly because he is who I’m going to be in a very short time from now. And, you know what? That’s not something I need to be kept safe from. That’s something I need to remain wide-open to recieve.
God bless all the worker bees of the world. I truly appreciate you, but, you know what? I’m not you! So, I’ve gotta go build my own hive. 😉
Love Peace Happiness N One,
SunDeevah
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