So, here in NYC, this past Sunday, I was enjoying the first day of spring. I did something I usually don’t do on a Sunday, I went into the city, visited my herb shop, bought some herbs. Then bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers for my home. It was all about welcoming spring.
As I’m walking down the street glowing back at the sun, this man walks towards me apologizing. “I’m sorry I’m not pretty.” And, I’m thinking, lord…what is this guy doing? And, I say, “What?” And, he continues, “I’m sorry I’m not some light-skinned, pretty-boy. Or, some white boy with pretty eyes, cause I know that’s what you want.” Okay, so you know, I’m thinking–Wow…never can have a day off. Somewhere all the time, some souls is screaming for attention. So, I say, “Why would you apologize for being who you are?!” This was a tall, dark-skinned dude, with some urban swagger. He could’ve been very attractive if he weren’t mean-mugging (translation: glaring at no one in particular), hunched over in anger. He went on to annoy me with all these things he just “knew” I wanted. And, finally, I just walked away. I was like, “I don’t think you should have to apologize to anyone for who you are.”, and kept it moving.
I realize that not everyone has these random occurrences in their lives, where perfect strangers come up to them apologizing in this way. But, the truth is, there’s a lot of people out there measuring themselves against some idealized version of “good”, “attractive”, “perfection”, “intelligence”, that they will never reach. And, why is that? Because these ideals don’t exist! They are fabrications, illusions and lies to make us feel like shit about ourselves in our own eyes! And, I’m tired of it! No, really… I’m sick of it.
Let me be clear, there’s a twisted education that most of us have been given that says, if you like yourself, you’re selfish. If you find yourself attractive, you’re conceited. If you put your needs before anyone else, you’re a bad person. But, has anyone, anyone, ANYONE ever stopped to look at the people teaching this shit? Question: Are they happy? Do they shine with all the perfection that they say you need to work for? Do they laugh with ease? Do they exude peace? In fact, does ANYTHING about their lives, make you want to buy what they are selling?
Come on, we can do better than this. We as a species can do better. We must. All of this false self-love, this vanity, this secret self-hatred is killing us. You cannot mindlessly chase a life that you’re not sure you want, and by the way, are never supposed to reach. Look at the global economy. Our number one problem isn’t lack of money, so much as it is buying the ideology that says whoever you are now isn’t good enough. But, if you buy: this house, this car, this makeup, this surgery, this jewelry, this hair, this smile, this, this, or, this—then maybe, just maybe you won’t have to apologize for yourself anymore.
And, by the way–God loves you because you are God. Whoops…that’s gonna upset some people… But, if you believe in omnipotent and omnipresence–then me telling you–you are God shouldn’t come as a shock. But, if it does, look at this:
Omnipotent (noun): One who has unlimited power or authority. <—-Freewill and Choice to create the life you want.
Omnipresent (adj): Present in all places at all times. <—– Yeah, that includes within YOU
So, please answer me this– What are you doing?! Why are you being so mean to yourselves? Whatever you did, you can always forgive yourselves and move forward. If you messed up, clean up the mess and keep it moving. If your life isn’t moving in the direction you’d like, turn your head and start walking in another direction!
I’d like to tell you people won’t judge you-but, they will. And, hey, you know what?? Let them. But, you don’t have to make that part of your equation. And, you definitely do not, have to have them in your life. If you’re doing your best, and you give your all–that’s it, that’s all there is to give. So, there’s nothing to apologize for. In the end, it’s you that has to walk your road, live your life and deal with the consequences of your choices. That’s not a light-weight existence. That’s all the time, every where, every day, until you are no longer embodied. That’s real.
So, please…don’t apologize to me. You’re assuming I’m judging–I’m not. In fact, if you decide you want to empower yourself to meet and exceed your own standards for the rest of us–dude, I’m your in-house cheerleader. As my brother says, I can “co-sign” on that. But, if you aren’t meeting your own expectations, the person who you might want to apologize to is you. Something like, “I’m really sorry, I talk a good game, but, keep choking when I come up to bat. I’m sorry, I have to keep going through the same shit over and over, because I refuse to get the lesson. I’m sorry, I stay sick because I don’t care enough about us, to take care of myself. I’m sorry, that I take my anger out on myself and others I love, because I’m afraid to deal with what’s really bothering me.” Because you see…it’s not me you’re hurting, its you…and for that–yeah, you might want to apologize, because that–that’s a choice. And, you can always, at any time, make a different choice, so you can just say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t do that sooner!”
Let’s go…the hour is getting late.
Love Peace Happiness N One.