Blog

It’s amazing to me how people talk about growth, evolution, change and yet, when faced with it in their own lives, they’d rather not. And, if you’d rather not, then don’t. But…I don’t subscribe to that thought pattern, and I won’t be coerced into it, either.
I’m going to be 34 this coming October. I realize I’ve grown, changed and evolved quite a bit over the years. And, at alarming rate. Seriously, I’ve covered a lot of ground in a short amount of time. And, I look forward to a lifetime more of it. I also have come to realize that with that change, I just am not down for the things and people I used to be down for.
For example: I am increasingly irritated by people who pollute the soundwaves with innovative ideas of how to make the world, people and everything better, but, in their personal lives, they look much like dogs chasing their own tails. I used to feel compelled to mention it to them, now, I’m just repelled all together.
I’m not down for people who want to keep me in a box, or, cover me with labels so that they can file me in their brains. Or, try an formulate me, mold me into something or someone that works for them. I am not a file folder, or anything or anyone that you get to define. And, if my growth bothers you. If my intensity intimidates you, I understand. But, I’d prefer you’d go away, or, at the very least, not chase me when I leave. Oh and rest assured, if you cannot grow with me, I’m always going to be leaving, you can bet on it. As some of my pasts acquantencies could tell you–if they were still here, that is.
There’s this saying that people are like crabs in a basket. When one tries to escape, the others clamor around it and try an pull it back down. People can very much be the same way. If you change, if you grow, then they feel left behind. They feel weak, sad, depressed or whatever because they are too scared to attempt it themselves. And, if you do, that puts the focus, the onus, the responsiblity on them. And, too many people are spending too much energy trying to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. Again, this is your choice. Again…leave me out of it.
I love my life. I love myself. And, if you don’t love your life, or, yourself, please, please, PUH-LEZE leave me alone. Go away. Never again, am I going to be who you knew, who you remembered, who you defined. It is not my job nor desire to make you feel good about yourself, if you do not. I cheer for those who put forth effort, not those who put forth hot air.
What I know for sure is that we can either change, or we can make the same choices with the same results into oblivion. But, at some point the lie, the denial and the wasted energy takes its toll. You look around and everyone that you cared about is so far ahead that the dust has settled at their departure. All the things you needed to do, be and accomplish before you could grow mean nothing. And, you realize, it never did.
I often wonder, are people aware that when they say no to change, they are saying no to relationships, to friendships, to dreams, to life??? Do you not get that? Do you not get that growth equals life? And, stagnation and procrastination equals death? (Sigh…) I do feel compassion for those of us, who are unwilling to go into the unknown aspects of ourselves, and shed some light, give it some air so that we may become more than what we “think” we know of ourselves.
All that being said, I’ll tell you a secret. I don’t feel sorry for you. I don’t feel bad that you chose backward instead of forward. I don’t shed tears that you’ve traveled the same portion of the path so many times, your life has become a circle. I won’t pause my own life’s journey because you’ve made yours a penitentuary in which you are both inmate and keeper. Life is about choices and consequences. And, there’s no way around that. I have compassion, but, the regret –I’ll leave to you. I don’t have any to speak of in my own life. And, I sure as heck won’t be taking on someone else’s load because it became too much for them to bear.
So…I’m going on, moving forward. From behind me, I suppose it looks like the sun is setting, but, from my eyes…It’s the dawning of a new day. And, the air is sweet, it smells just like freedom.
Love Peace Happiness N One,
SunDeevah