Okay…so, it’s the night before my move, part 1. And, while I’m tired, and when I say tired, I mean on so many levels–I’m pretty focused. I’ve been feeling a lot of different energies in the ethers, everything from anxiety and sleeplessness, to excitement and knowingness. And, what do I make of it? I’m going the right way, and that’s forward.
Once settled into my new digs: read painted, new furniture and everything in it’s place for the most part… I plan to bury myself in work—yeah…even more! Both of my projects are making a lot of headway, pretty quickly and while I’m happy with what’s transpired, none of it is completed. And, that’s what I’m looking for nowadays, to get stuff finished. So, that I can move on to the next thing, and there’s always a next thing. Thing is: I’m a multi-tasker, and when I don’t have a lot on my plate, I just feel bored. My energy-level is probably somewhere between 4-10 times that of other people. Busy, makes me focus.
I’m 32 now, and I still wonder whether or not I’ll ever have kids, if I’ll ever slow down long enough to do the family thing. And, honestly… I don’t know. It’s no longer a question of if I want them. I love kids…and I’m feeling pretty confident that I’d make a great mom. But, the thing is… he hasn’t shown up yet. Who’s he? He is the counterpart that can keep up with me. And, while there’s been some severely close calls… in the end, they all end up being scared. Sure… we all get scared when things get deep, it doesn’t matter what those things are, when they get deep we get nervous, but, you don’t bail! You grow balls and do it anyway! So, like I said…he hasn’t shown up yet. And, frankly…I’m not looking. Who the hell has time?!
I’ve always been an ambitious person. It’s never been good enough for me to have great ideas, I’ve got to create them, I’ve gotta do… I’ve gotta see the ideas someplace other than my head! I’ve never been good at settling–I’d rather be brain dead, then I don’t have to deal with the fact that I didn’t give everything. For a person like me, settling is death, a long, slow… painful death! I’ve always known there was something a bit extra about me, that I wasn’t “normal”–that I was meant to do great things. There, I said it! So, what are the great things I do? I love! I teach! I empower! I inspire! That’s what I do! And, no, I don’t need to be accepted, liked, or any of that stuff. Sure, I love that my friends and family love me, and that’s needed. But, being liked has never been a goal. Ask my Mama…she’ll tell you!
Right now… I just feel really comfortable with the powerful woman that I am. I love being me! I wouldn’t trade the lessons learned, wisdom earned or any of it for anything! 32, feels like a really wise 22–yet, I’m tired! LOL… Well, if you knew me at 22, you’d know I was tired then too! Truth is, I’ve got some traction, I’m not struggling in any aspect of my life…I’m flowing. And, for those who are down, they can come with. And, for those who aren’t… eh…whatever. I’m pretty bored with the naysayers, the haters and the miserable in general. I’ve been on my grind my whole life, and really feel like it’s lead up to this…and I understand now, everything I’ve done leading up to this, was the right thing. And, I’m blessed by that knowledge.
Love Peace Happiness N One,
SunDeevah
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